An Act of Release: Order & Chaos Book 2 Page 15
"Hi," Jen said with a warm smile. "I'm Jenny." She reached out a hand toward Audrey. "I'm Ford's girlfriend."
Audrey's eyes widened, and her brows rose in surprise. She glanced at me. I smiled sheepishly as I shrugged and nodded in agreement with Jenny's statement, inwardly happy with how easily she called herself mine. A wide smile spread across Audrey's face as she reached out to shake Jen's hand.
"I'm Audrey, Miss Victoria's housekeeper," Audrey said warmly "I'm sorry we're not meeting under better circumstances, Miss Jenny."
"Does this happen a lot?" Jen asked Audrey curiously, then looked apologetically over at me. "I'm sorry. I shouldn't have asked that. It's none of my business."
"It's okay." I squeezed her hand reassuringly. "When Mom is upset, she tends to hide and nurse her wounds for a while. So does Natalie for that matter." I smiled at that comment, then continued soberly. "But this is unusual. She doesn't normally hide this long, or refuse to talk, and I'm worried." I turned back to Audrey. "What was she doing before she locked herself in there?" I asked, baffled by my mother's behavior today.
"I'd just served her breakfast," Audrey answered. "She started eating and using her tablet. Everything seemed fine when I went back to the kitchen." She shook her head in confusion. "I heard her start sobbing and hurried back in, but she had already run upstairs. She locked herself in her bedroom, and I haven't seen her since. I know she's been crying because I can hear her, but she won't answer or acknowledge me at all."
I stood there not sure what to do at this point. I was just about ready to head upstairs and pound on Mom's door until she let me in since I didn't know what else to do.
"What was on her tablet?" Jen asked thoughtfully.
"I...I don't know," Audrey answered softly.
Shit, I didn't even think of that. I immediately turned and rushed up the steps to the second floor with the two women not far behind. The stairs opened up to the spacious and elegant dining room, with its massive and ornate oak table. I crossed the room toward the only place that was set at the table. Mom's breakfast was still sitting there barely touched, and her tablet was nearby. I scooped it up and woke up the screen. I stared in shock at the image that came up.
"Son of a bitch," I snarled under my breath. Audrey came up next to me and peered at the tablet herself. She gasped in surprise.
"Oh, Miss Victoria," she whispered sorrowfully.
There on the goddamn screen was an engagement announcement for my father, John Spencer, and his girlfriend, Carolyn Reed. There was also a photo of them embracing each other with wide smiles on their faces. I knew he'd been dating her since last fall, but I'd only met her a handful of times, and she seemed nice. I had no idea that things between them had gotten this serious. Dad and I didn't exactly hang out or talk much anymore since our falling out three years ago.
I closed my eyes in sympathy for my mother, my chest aching for her. Seeing this probably ripped her heart out. Even though they'd been divorced since I was a teenager, I knew she was still in love with my father, and he was completely clueless about it. She shouldn't have found out this way. He should have told her himself, instead of being a coward and letting her get blindsided like this. Anger bubbled out of me with a low growl.
"That's your dad, isn't it?" Jenny asked as she came up next to me and looked at the tablet.
I nodded absently as I seethed inside.
"Haven't your parents been divorced for a long time?"
"Yeah," I said in a low irritated tone, "but Mom is still in love with him after all these years, and he doesn't have a fucking clue."
"Oh," Jenny said in realization. Her eyes softened with sympathy. "Your poor mother."
I slapped the tablet back down on the table. "I'm going to try to get her to talk to me."
"Okay," Jenny nodded in understanding. "I'll stay down here."
I nodded, still not moving. This probably wasn't going to be pleasant, and I wasn't looking forward to it.
"Have you eaten lunch, Miss Jenny?" Audrey asked. "I can fix you something if you like."
"Okay," Jen replied to Audrey's offer. "I'm starving."
"Have a seat and I'll start lunch, honey." Audrey gathered up my mother's plate of cold food and walked toward the kitchen.
"Thank you," Jen called after Audrey gratefully, then turned to me with a tender, compassionate expression.
"That asshole let her get blindsided because he was too much of a coward to tell her himself," I growled out bitterly. "I can't believe he did this to her."
"She'll be okay," she said reassuringly. "She has you."
"I don't know if I'll be any help," I mumbled as I shook my head in exasperation with myself.
Sometimes trying to talk to Mom when she was like this felt like an exercise in futility, and today she was in a really bad way. I wasn't feeling confident at all that I could help her. I wondered if I should call my sister, but I hated to add more stress to Natie's already hectic life as a new mother. Holy hell, I wanted to be here for my mom, but I feared making this worse for her.
Jen stepped closer and reached up to cup my face in her hands. I stared down at her helplessly as I lost myself in her gorgeous sapphire eyes for a moment.
"You always help me," she whispered with a wan smile. "You always make me feel better when I'm upset. You're a kind caring man and a good son. You can do this."
I stared at her in awe. Even amid all her own stress she was here for me. I wasn't used to it. I'd spent so many years manning up and taking care of Mom and Natalie, that I'd never put a thought to someone doing that for me. I hadn't realized what I was missing, and now that I had it, it was a revelation. It made me love Jen that much more.
"Holy fucking hell, I love you," I rumbled out roughly as I put my hands on her hips and pulled her close.
Her eyes lit up like blue fire as she gazed up at me. "I love you too," she whispered warmly.
She pulled my face down and placed a brief fiery kiss upon my lips. It was quick yet blistering in its intensity. It felt like I was drowning in her, and it left me breathless. When I straightened she was smiling lovingly up at me.
"Go help your mom, big boy," she murmured softly as she patted my cheek. "She needs you."
I nodded, feeling a little better as I ran my knuckles gently down her cheek, then turned and headed over toward stairs that led up to the next floor. I trudged upstairs slowly in resignation. The stairs ended right next to the door to the master bedroom, and I stopped to put my ear against it. There was nothing but silence on the other side.
"Mom?" I called out as I rapped softly on the door.
I heard a soft sound that I think was a sob. It quieted almost immediately, then there wasn't another peep. I tried the knob, but unsurprisingly it was locked.
"Mom," I said more forcefully, my voice dropping an octave. I was starting to get frustrated already. "Let me in."
I waited for a few moments, but there was still no response. I swore under my breath. How the hell could I help her if I couldn't even get her to let me in the damn room? I sighed heavily. I guess desperate times called for desperate measures.
"Mom!" I snarled out demandingly. "If you don't open this fucking door, I'm going to break the goddamn thing down."
That got her attention. Within seconds, the lock clicked and my mother flung the door open wide, her tear-stained green eyes flashing in anger. She looked like hell, with her reddish-brown curls snarled around her face, and her makeup smeared around her eyes. Even her designer silk dress was all wrinkled. I'd never seen my mom like this. Victoria Spencer was always put together, and never looked disheveled. It broke my heart and made me want to go and wring my father's damn neck for doing this to her.
"You will do no such thing, Ford Nathan Spencer," she snapped out sharply, using my middle name like that for the first time in years. She pointed a finger at me accusingly. "And don't you dare swear in my house again, young man." It was all I could do not to shrink away from her, even if I asked for it.
I stepped toward her and wordlessly pulled her into my arms. She instantly deflated and clung to me fiercely, burying her face against my shirt and sobbing softly. I led her further into her large luxurious bedroom, filled with opulent furnishings and decorated in soft shades of gray, cream, and white. I took her to the small upholstered gray bench at the foot of her king-sized bed. I sat us both down on it, and just held her for a while as she continued weeping. Finally, she tried to speak.
"Y...you're f...father...he...he..." She took in shuddering breath. "He...he's get...getting..." Mom started sobbing quietly again.
"I saw your tablet, Mom," I said gently, not wanting her to have to say it. "I know."
"I...I don't know why it b...bothers me so much," said in a thick emotional tone. "I...I know I shouldn't care but...but..." Mom trailed off.
"I know you still love him, Mom," I said gently, voicing it out loud for the first time in front of her. "It's okay to be upset about it."
"I know I'm pathetic, honey," she whimpered sadly, "but I...I guess some part of me always hoped that someday I could...I could get him back." Her body shook with more sobs.
"I'm so sorry, Mom." I knew that was a pipe dream that would never happen. Dad didn't feel any love for her anymore, and I suspect he fell out of love with her long before the divorce. He'd moved on a long time ago. Their love was tumultuous at best. I still vividly remembered Mom's clingy overwrought behavior and Dad's exasperation with it all. It always seemed to lead to one nasty fight after another, and it drove Dad to spend more and more time at work, or to drink when he was actually home just to cope with the stress of their marriage. No matter how much they had loved each other, their relationship just didn't work, but none of that excused how he'd handled this situation.
"I...I didn't even know he was seeing anyone," she blurted out between sobs.
"What?" I asked incredulously.
Unbelievable. He hadn't even had the decency to tell her he was dating someone all this time. I knew she wouldn't have handled it well, which is why he didn't tell her, but it was better than this. Anger simmered inside me again. I was starting to wonder if my father was ever the man I thought he was. What the hell was he thinking? I sat there not knowing what to say and held her until she finally calmed down.
"My dress," Mom suddenly said dejectedly. I glanced down to see her smoothing her hand down the wrinkled green silk.
"Don't worry about it," I reassured her. "I'm sure Audrey can take care of it. We should go downstairs so you can eat something." She hadn't finished her breakfast, and that was hours ago. She had to be starving. She didn't make any attempt to move though, so I sweetened the deal. "Jenny is here too."
"Oh my God," she blurted out as she abruptly stood with a look of horror on her face, readjusting her clothes and running her hands through her hair. "I must look terrible right now. I need to change."
"Mom," I said reasonably. "Jen doesn't care about that."
She gave me an exasperated huff. "Well, I certainly do. I can't let your first real girlfriend see me like this." She went to the full-length mirror nearby and gasped in dismay when she saw her reflexion. "I look like a raccoon wearing a fright wig."
A chuckle burst out of me at her ridiculous description of herself. "You look fine, Mom," I told her as I shook my head and smiled. She was definitely feeling better now if she was worried about her appearance.
I watched in bemusement as she rushed over to her dressing table by the window and sat down, ignoring my comment and hastily pulling open drawers to pull out a brush, her makeup, and God knew what else. She started wiping the mascara from around her eyes with a tissue, mumbling under her breath about how unacceptable her frightful appearance was.
I watched her for several moments until a sudden and depressing realization hit me hard. My mother's makeup, designer clothes, and her preoccupation with her appearance weren't because she truly cared what others thought. It was something else entirely. It was her armor, a shield against the world that had hurt her so many times. She'd been through so much heartache and loss in her life. She lost her parents to a plane crash when she was a teen. She lost her marriage to the man she loved, and had been alone ever since. Now, she was finally realizing that he was gone for good after almost two decades of waiting and hoping. A heavy melancholy feeling swept over me, my smile slipping from my lips and turning into a tight-lipped frown.
I stood and went to my mother, stopping behind her to catch her gaze in the mirror as I rested my hands on her slim shoulders. "I love you, Mom," I told her in a low emotional tone, hoping to comfort her in some way, since she obviously didn't want to talk about it.
She smiled radiantly at me, but there was still a deep sorrow in her green eyes that hit me like a blow to the stomach. "I love you too, honey." She laid her hand over mine and squeezed my fingers. "Tell your Jenny that I'll be down shortly."
I nodded, unable to find the words to express how I felt right now and knowing I'd probably only make her feel worse if I tried. I leaned down and kissed her cheek tenderly before quietly leaving the room.
I made my way downstairs, my sadness quickly morphing into bitter anger with my father's cowardly and thoughtless choices. A fierce protective feeling hit me and boiled up inside me. Nobody fucked with my mother. Nobody. Not even my own damn father. John Spencer and I would be having words very very soon about what he'd done, no matter the cost to our already strained relationship. I knew it wasn't going to be pretty, and it was probably a bad idea, but at this point I no longer gave a fuck.
**********
My phone started ringing as I finished cleaning up after my last tattoo client for the day. I took off my gloves and pulled my phone out of my pocket to see that it was my sister calling.
"Hi, shrimp," I answered warmly. It had been a few days since we talked, and I was happy to hear from her, even if I had to tell her about Mom's heartbreak today.
"Hey, big brother," she greeted me happily. "How's the needle poking business going?"
"Busy today." This afternoon had been hectic, but it was a welcome distraction from worrying about Mom since I left her place earlier this afternoon.
I was late getting back for my first afternoon appointment, and I'd been playing catch up ever since. My tardiness was Mom's fault since she insisted that Jen and I stay to have lunch with her. My mom was completely enamored with Jenny, and even wrangled me into bringing Jen with me to her charity function next week. I usually stayed away from them when I could, but Jen seemed genuinely excited about the idea. I ended up giving in as soon as she gave me those pleading eyes of hers. I couldn't bear to say no to her.
"I could probably squeeze you in for a tattoo tomorrow, if you'd like." I smiled wickedly, knowing how much my sister hated needles.
"Oh hell no," she blurted out in horror. "Keep your damn needles to yourself. My skin's staying just the way it is, thank you very much."
"You're no fun," I grumbled in mock disappointment.
"David thinks I'm fun," she snapped back in a suggestive tone.
I made a choking sound. "And now I'm changing the subject," I said hastily.
She laughed in delight. I swear she got off on making me uncomfortable.
"Have you heard from Mom today?" I asked, my voice turning serious.
"No, is she okay?" Natie asked with sudden concern.
"Not really," I grumbled out, then told her what happened earlier today.
"Are you fucking kidding me?" Natie sounded pissed. "What the hell was Dad thinking?"
"He wasn't thinking at all," I snarled. "I wished I had mentioned Dad's girlfriend myself before today, but I didn't want to bring up a sore subject and upset her."
"Me too." Natie sighed harshly. "I didn't even know he was going to propose to Carolyn. W
hy did he handle it like this? He had to know he'd hurt her."
"Well, I'm going to fucking find out." I growled under my breath. "He and I are going to have a long talk very soon." I was planning on doing it tonight.
"Are you sure that's a good idea, Ford?" she asked with concern. "You and Dad don't exactly see eye to eye anymore."
"I have to do something about it." My voice came out more emotional than I intended as I thought about my mom sobbing in my arms. "You didn't see her, Natalie. He wrecked her and broke her heart all over again because he was too much of a coward to tell her himself. What happened between Dad and me doesn't matter right now. "
"Ford," she uttered with soft concern. "Why won't you tell me what happened with Dad?"
It had been a while since she brought up the rift between Dad and me. I had no intention of ever telling her. The last thing I wanted her to know was that Dad walked in on me with a bound submissive and thought I was sexual deviant with a sick fetish. I would never take the chance that she might feel the same and look at me with that look of disgust that Dad gave me. It would kill me.
"It's personal, and not something I'll discuss, Natalie," I said firmly while still trying to sound apologetic. I didn't want to hurt her feelings. "I'm sorry. I just can't."
I could practically feel her disappointment in the long moment of silence that followed. "Alright," she finally said in resignation. "I'll let it go and I won't ask again, but I don't want you to make the wedge between you and Dad even worse." Her voice became tremulous, and I knew she was on the verge of crying. "It hurts to see both of you so distant from each other. You used to be so close."
I could hear her sniffle as she tried to hold back her tears. Pain burst to life in my chest because it hurt me too. I was starting to think that there wasn't any hope of Dad and me ever getting back to the way things used to be. Whatever I tried to do to fix things only ended up making me feel worse, and so I kept my distance from my father to protect myself.