An Act of Release: Order & Chaos Book 2 Page 21

  And now we were on another subject that made me feel like shit. She knew that Dad and I hadn't been getting along for a while. She was going to be a damn mess when she found that my relationship with my father was broken beyond repair now. Holy hell, I should have stayed at work.

  "Are you alright, honey?" Mom suddenly asked. "You're awfully quiet today." I realized that I'd been sitting in silence for several minutes.

  "I'm...I'm sorry, Mom," I said apologetically.

  "What's wrong?" she said with a worried frown.

  I let out a deep breath. "I'm worried about Jen," I told her. I figured that was a safe subject to bring up. "Her family is having a crisis right now."

  She looked questioningly at me, and I briefly told her what was going on with Jen's family and their business. Her frown deepened when I mentioned the deal with Elliott Bennett to her.

  "Do you know this Bennett guy?" I asked curiously.

  "I've seen him around, but never met him," she said with a serious expression. "But I knew his father, and avoided any dealings with him. He was a hard man, ruthless and cutthroat. From what I've heard, his son isn't any better."

  "That's what I was afraid of," I said dejectedly as I picked at my fruit salad. "There's something off with him, Mom. I see it. Jen's brother sees it. I'm not sure why Jen and her father think his deal is a good idea, but it's none of my business. I don't want to butt in and piss Jen or her family off."

  "Well, if there's anything I can do to help, just let me know," Mom offered sympathetically.

  "I will, Mom." I appreciated her offer, but there wasn't really anything she could do. And all I could think to do was suggest to Jen that Elliott Bennett shouldn't be trusted. Anything else was overstepping my bounds since I was just the boyfriend and not involved directly in her family's situation.

  "There is one thing you can do, Mom."

  "What's that, honey?"

  "Can I use the lake house next Sunday and Monday?" I asked with a smile. "I think Jen needs to get away for a few days and de-stress."

  "That's a splendid idea, honey. She'll love it up there." She smiled. I held back a wicked grin, having no intention of telling her that I had already taken Jen there, and how much she had enjoyed the property with me. "I'll get you the keys when you leave."

  "Thanks, Mom."

  The rest of my visit was easy and relaxing. I was in a much better mood when Mom walked me to the door with the lake house key in my pocket and the rest of Audrey's pie in my hands.

  "I love you, honey. I'll see you on Saturday at the charity ball," Mom said as she hugged me good-bye. She made a distressed face as she stepped back. "You're father is going to be there with his fiancee."

  "You need to let him go, Mom," I said gently, addressing the subject directly for the first time, and realizing that maybe I needed to do the same thing with John Spencer myself. It was easier said than done for both of us. Letting go of hope was so hard when you'd clung to it for so long.

  "I know," she murmured with a sorrowful expression, surprising me by not deflecting the subject for once. "I'm trying, Ford. I'm really trying."

  Me too. I didn't voice that thought aloud though as I kissed her cheek. "I love you too, Mom, and you'll be okay." I walked out, hoping that I'd be okay too, and that I could let my father go as well so I could get past this pain. Unfortunately, you didn't always get what you hoped for, and sometimes reality was just a fickle heartless bitch who hit you when you were down and didn't give a shit what you wanted.

  **********

  I walked into my office around five-thirty on Wednesday and lowered myself onto my black leather sofa with a deep heavy sigh. I'd just finished a long complicated tattoo with an extremely intricate design, leaving my left hand strained and aching, and one eyelid twitching. I slumped down into the cushions and closed my eyes, feeling the beginnings of a headache start to throb inside my skull. Holy hell, I was so fucking tired too. I still hadn't slept through the whole night this week.

  I had yet to talk to my sister, even though I tried calling her several times and again this morning. She sent every single one to voice mail. I was tempted to call David, but I really didn't want to suck him into this and cause a problem between them. I wanted to go over to her house, but what was the point if she pushed me to tell her the truth, and I refused again. I didn't know how I was going to fix this, and I felt trapped. Fuck, I wished Jenny was here.

  "Is this what you get paid to do?" The sweet and dulcet tone of Jen's voice suddenly asked. "Sit around on your ass?"

  My eyes flashed open as I sat up to see Jen smiling at me in the doorway of my office. She looked sexy as hell in a khaki pencil skirt and a red sleeveless top that hugged the curve of her breasts to perfection. "Jen," I said happily as I grinned like an idiot and reached a hand out toward her. I knew I should stand, but I just didn't have the energy.

  She strode across the short distance between us, her smile widening as she approached. I grabbed her waist, pulled her down onto my lap, and wrapped my arms around her. I breathed in her vanilla musk and sighed in relief. Goddamn, I needed this, needed her. How did she know? I held her tight for several long moments.

  "Are you okay, Ford?" she asked as she caressed her fingers along my jaw.

  "Not really, but this helps," I told her softly as I hugged her tighter against me.

  "Me too," she breathed out. She snuggled in closer, pressing her face into my neck.

  "Things still the same at work?" I asked.

  "Yeah," she said dejectedly. "Dad and Andy still aren't speaking, and I can't get Andy to listen to me."

  "I talked to my mom about this Bennett guy yesterday," I said, feeling her stiffen slightly in my arms. I didn't mention it last night because I didn't want to upset her anymore than she was already, but she needed to know before it was too late. "She says he's bad news, Jen. Maybe Andy is right. Maybe this deal is a mistake."

  She was tense and silent for a long moment before she spoke. "I...I appreciate that you're trying to look out for me, Ford, but this really isn't any of your business." Her tone wasn't angry, yet it still held a firm edge. I got the gist of it and it kind of hurt, even if she was right. I needed to mind my own business. Shit, I knew I should have stayed out of it.

  "I'm sorry," I mumbled out as I tried not to let her chastisement bother me. "I'm just worried about you, but I'll stay out of it." Thankfully, she changed the subject.

  "Have you talked to Natalie yet?" she asked softly. The hurt part of me wanted to tell her that this wasn't any of her business, but I stuffed it down. I actually wanted to share this problem with her.

  "No," I sighed out. "She won't answer my calls."

  "What are you going to do?" she asked with deep concern. I noticed that she didn't suggest telling Natalie the truth, but I knew that had to be what she was thinking. She was being careful not to overstep or try to influence my decision. It was something that I hadn't managed to do a few minutes ago. It made me feel worse.

  "I don't know," I said dejectedly. "It seems like either choice I make will cost me my relationship with her." The thought of telling her scared the shit out of me. How the hell did you tell your sister that you liked tying up women for sex? Besides the fact that I couldn't take it if she reacted like Dad after I did. Refusing to tell her was scary in a different way. Natie had a very valid point about deserving to know what happened. I knew she wouldn't let this go unless I was a complete dick to her, which would fundamentally and permanently alter our relationship and most likely destroy it.

  "Have you talked to Nick about it?" she asked.

  Holy hell, that was the first decent idea I'd heard in days. I'd been too stupid to think of it myself. Nick was the only other person, besides Jenny, who knew about my issues with my dad. I was an idiot. I stood abruptly and set Jen on her feet. I went to my desk and called Liz up front. I told her I was going out for a while, then hung up.

  "Where are we going?" Jen asked in confusion as I grabbed her hand and pulled h
er along out of the room and into my garage.

  "To see Nick, silly," I told her with a grin as I led her to the passenger side of my truck. "It was your idea."

  "Oh," she looked surprised. "You want me to go with you?"

  "Of course," I said matter-of-factly. "I've got nothing to hide from you."

  For a second, I swear I saw guilt in her eyes, but when she smiled, I thought maybe I imagined it. I shook my head in exasperation with myself and let it go as I closed her door. I think the lack of sleep was starting to make me loopy.

  Jen seemed nervous when we arrived at Nick's tattoo shop and I parked my truck in the strip mall parking lot in front of Solid Stone Ink. "Hey, why are you nervous?"

  "Nick is important to you," she explained with a frown. "What if he doesn't approve of me?"

  "Well, for one, why wouldn't he? You're amazing," I said with a smile. "And second." I gave her a pointed stare, "I wouldn't give a shit if he didn't, because I love you no matter what," I added vehemently.

  Her frown transformed into a radiant smile. "I love you too," she said warmly.

  I leaned forward and gave her a brief yet heated kiss, then climbed out of my truck and went around to take her hand as she got out herself. "Come on." I gave her hand a reassuring squeeze and led her to the door of Nick's shop.

  We were greeted by the sound of Nick's voice speaking in rapid-fire Portuguese when we walked in. He was alone and sitting in a chair behind the reception desk with his feet propped up on the counter. His phone was pressed to his ear, and from the pained look on his face and the Portuguese that he was speaking, I assumed he was speaking to his mother. He always complained how hard it was to get off the phone with her since she loved to talk.

  He glanced up at us and grinned, relief clear on his face. "I have to go, Mamãe. A customer just walked in." He told her that he loved her in Portuguese, ended the call, and stood as he eyed Jen with an appreciative expression.

  "You just lied to your own mother," I said in an accusatory tone as I smirked at him.

  "It was not a lie," he defended himself with a wide toothy grin. "You were my customer when I gave you that back piece."

  "Four years ago," I barked back with a laugh. "And you didn't even charge me."

  "She does not know that, irmão." He glanced at Jenny again with a warm smile. "I am assuming this is your Jenny."

  "This is Jenny Purcell, my girlfriend and the love of my life." I squeezed her hand tighter. "Jen, this is Nick Pedrosa, my friend and mentor."

  "Olá, senhorita." Nick stepped right up to Jenny and placed a quick kiss on each of her cheeks. "I've heard all about the woman who managed to tame the gigante louco." He gave her a wry smile and a wink.

  "The what?" Jen asked with a grin, already enamored by Nick. Most women were. He had this way of disarming them with his calm easy-going demeanor, and harmless flirtation.

  "Crazy giant," Nick explained with humor in his eyes as he motioned toward me. "It suits him, no?"

  "Oh yes," Jenny said in a suggestive tone as she eyed me sideways. "Most definitely. In all the ways that count."

  Nick laughed at my slightly embarrassed expression. "Oh, I like her," he added as he smirked at me. "She is a little louco too."

  "In all the ways that count," I told Nick with a smug grin.

  He barked out another loud laugh. "So what brings you two in here today?" Nick asked. "Besides wanting to see my handsome face."

  "I need your advice, Nick," I said in a serious tone.

  "Ah." He nodded as his expression sobered. "Let's go to the office."

  He led us back to his tiny office, chivalrously pulling out a desk chair for Jen. I grabbed another chair and sat next to Jen as Nick took a seat in front of us.

  "E aí irmão?" Nick asked me what was up with raised brows and a concerned expression.

  "Well, for one, things with my dad have gone to shit," I grumbled out. I told him what Dad did to Mom, and the confrontation that led to me walking away from my own father. I explained to him the situation with Natie, and the fight we had last week when I refused to tell her the truth. "I can't see how telling her the truth won't change everything between us, Nick."

  "What are you afraid will happen if you tell her?" Nick asked pointedly.

  I sucked in a shaking breath as my emotions started to overwhelm me. "That...that she'll be ashamed of me. That she'll give up on me like Dad did." My voice was shaky and deep as the pain of my lost relationship with my father welled up in a throbbing ache inside my chest. Jen grabbed my hand comfortingly. I glanced over to see her sympathetic expression, and felt grateful that I'd brought her here with me.

  "That is a valid fear," Nick admitted with a nod. "But has your sister ever harshly judged you for how you live your life before, or anyone else for that matter? I for one never got the impression that Natalie was that kind of person."

  "No," I admitted. "She's pretty unconcerned with what other people do."

  "Alright." He cocked his head. "So which choice is the greater risk? Refusing to tell her when you already know how angry she is with you about that, or giving her the explanation she needs and risking her judging you harshly when everything leads you to believe that she probably won't."

  "But Nick," I pleaded. "How do I tell her something like this? I had a hard enough time telling Jen for fear that she couldn't handle it."

  "But I did," Jenny interjected as she squeezed my hand.

  "I know, but I'm her big brother. She looks up to me. I don't want her to think less of me."

  "Like you do?" Nick asked knowingly, his eyes soft with understanding.

  I jerked back, startled by Nick's declaration. "I don't think less of-" I cut myself off, my eyes widening as a truly considered Nick's assessment. Was that really the truth? Would my father's disappointment in me bother me so much if I didn't think that I really did disappoint him to some extent? Would I fear my sister being ashamed of me if I wasn't at least a little ashamed of myself? Fuck. Apparently, I wasn't as self-assured as I'd thought, and the realization hit me like a blow to the goddamn head.

  "Holy fucking hell," I blurted out under my breath as I covered my face with my free hand. I could feel Jen start rubbing the back of my hand in comforting circles.

  "You need to tell her Ford," Nick said in a quiet yet firm tone. "For yourself, as much as for her."

  I looked up and nodded at him slowly, knowing that's what I had to do now. There was no way around it. Natie deserved an explanation, and I needed this to help me get past this newly discovered revelation about myself, regardless of the consequences.

  "Thanks, Nick," I said in rough voice as I rose. Jen followed suit.

  "De nada." He smiled as he stood and reached out for my hand. I took it, and he pulled both Jen and me into a hug. "I am always here for you, irmão"

  "I know." I stepped back and gave him a grateful yet wan smile. Then I gripped Jen's hand tightly as I led her out of Nick's shop. For better or for worse, my decision was made now. I just hoped I had the strength to get through it and deal with the aftermath if it went to shit.

  **********

  I put my truck in park, and reached over for Jenny's hand as I stared at the front of my sister's house. She took it immediately, and squeezed my hand to offer me support.

  "Are you sure you want to be here?" I asked as I glanced over to see her looking at me with worry in her sapphire eyes. "This isn't going to be pleasant, and seeing David has to be awkward for you." She hadn't seen David since the night she told me that they used to sleep together.

  "Well, for one thing, Natalie's not angry with me," she said with a small smile.

  "Thanks," I said sarcastically. She shrugged unapologetically.

  "And another," her voice turned serious, "if you and I are going to be together, David and I need to get over that." She squeezed my hand again. "And you're stalling."

  "I know," I admitted with a frown, yet I still didn't make any attempt to move. The determination I felt when I left N
ick's tattoo shop was being eclipsed by fear at this point. It fluttered in my stomach, making me feel a little sick. I sucked in a breath and blew it out hard through my mouth. "Jen, I'm kind of freaking out here."

  "You'll be okay, Ford," she said with a certainty that I didn't feel at all. "She's your sister. She loves you."

  "I thought my dad loved me too," I said sorrowfully. I'd never spoken that thought aloud before, and it made my eyes feel hot.

  "Ford," she said my name in soft understanding as tears glittered in her eyes. I had to look away before I started crying myself. I cleared my throat and finally found the will to force myself out of my truck, the threat of being unmanned just the impetus I needed. Jen followed suit.

  I took Jen's hand again as we walked up the sidewalk, and neither of us said another word all the way to the front door. My heart was pounding as I reached out and rang the doorbell. Jen rubbed my forearm reassuringly as we waited. A moment later, David answered the door with little Daniel in his arms. He looked surprised to see us with his eyes wide. He didn't say anything for a beat.

  "Uh...Ford...Jenny...um..." He shifted his son in his arms. "Hi." He glanced back into the house with a worried expression before looking at us. "Come on in."

  "Thanks," I rumbled out as I led Jen into the house past David.

  "Please tell me you're here to fix this," David said quietly as he closed the door and gave me a grave and intense stare. "She's been miserable. You two not talking is really hurting her."

  "I know, David," I mumbled out guiltily as I met his eyes. "That's why I'm here."

  "Good." He looked at Jenny. "It's good to see you again, Jenny," he told her with a warm smile with not even a hint of his initial discomfort.

  "You too," she said as she smiled at little two-month-old Daniel. He was making adorable cooing noises and wiggling around while he stared at his father's mouth. I watched in bemusement as the two of them began fussing over Daniel, making faces at the kid and talking like babies to him. I was relieved that the crazy jealously I felt about their past sexual relationship seemed to be gone.