Taming Rough Waters Page 4

  I left the kitchen behind and walked across the massive main room of my club. It still amazed me how different and unassuming the place looked during the day without the pulsing club lighting. Set up for the night was in full swing, and several more employees called out greetings as I moved through the club. I acknowledged every one of them as I passed by.

  I rolled my shoulders as I walked, tension tightening the muscles there uncomfortably. I desperately needed to work some stress off tonight, and I knew just what I needed. I pulled my phone out as I walked through the door that led into my business office. I scrolled through my contacts as I absently headed down the hallway past Gwen's empty desk at the reception window and the break room.

  Movement caught my eye behind the frosted glass walls of the conference room where I knew Gwen was doing an interview, and I wished I could see inside. I ignored the sudden urge to walk in and take over. I didn't want to disrespect Gwen by undermining this opportunity I'd given her, so I hurried straight to my office door at the end of the hall. I walked in and closed the door behind me, then called the contact I'd brought up on my phone.

  "What can I do for you, Mr. Rennen, sir?" a polite yet seductively riveting female voice spoke.

  "Claudia," I purred out, knowing how my deep voice affected her and using it to my advantage. "I can think of so many many things you can do for me."

  "Anything to please you, sir," came her immediate and sensual reply.

  "It pleases me to hear that," I said in approval. "And it would please me very much to see you tonight, my lovely. Meet me at Désir at midnight, and wear red."

  "Yes, sir," Claudia replied in a breathless voice that was thick with arousal. "I can't wait, sir."

  "Good, girl," I said huskily. "I'll see you tonight." I ended the call, feeling calmer already.

  Claudia wasn't my girlfriend, but something else entirely. She was my current sub, or submissive, and I was her Dominant, or Dom, in a BDSM relationship. We had a mutually agreed upon written contract that laid out the parameters and limits of our relationship. It was a purely sexual power exchange, and there would be no other involvement beyond that. I couldn't ever give a woman more than that. Believe me, I'd tried and finally given up on that happening a long time ago.

  Claudia was well aware of that, and either of us could end our contract at any time if we chose. It was the only way to satisfy my physical needs for sex and control without the risk of the emotional ties I wasn't capable of reciprocating. I'd unintentionally hurt a lot of women who thought there was a chance we could have a real relationship before I figured that out, and the contracts kept that from happening.

  Désir Dangereux wasn't just a nightclub like The Indigo Room either. It was something else as well. It was the BDSM club I owned and operated. I was meeting Claudia there tonight to control and dominate her body and her pleasure in my private playroom there. I never brought my subs into my home anymore. I'd learned that the hard way, when one of them got entirely too comfortable and was snooping around my house like it was hers. My privacy was very important to me, and understandably I ended her contract then and there, and threw her out. Now I only played at the club.

  A lot of things in my life weren't what they seemed. Like the charismatic businessman I showed the world in my professional life, or even the calm and controlled man I was with the few people I spent a lot of time with on a daily basis. The only person who came the closest to knowing the real me was Scott. I didn't trust easily, and it had taken a long time for me to trust him completely. In truth, my mind was chaos most days, a maelstrom of leftover heroin cravings that had to be managed along with the constant fear of giving into them, the painful guilt that I ever used in the first place, and a deep-seated need for control most people couldn't fathom or even understand. Sometimes I didn't understand it myself, but it was the only thing that kept me from losing myself to the chaos in my head, and kept the abyss of addiction at bay.

  My stomach growled again, reminding me that I needed to eat. Luckily, I had some leftovers in the break room refrigerator I brought in from home yesterday, and I was greatly relieved about that. I always preferred to eat food that I'd prepared myself. My control issues affected every part of my life, every damn part, including my body and what I put in it. It was why I exercised daily and was a vegan. I'd spent so many years abusing my body in and out that I felt the need to take care of it now. Going vegan was a penance to pay my body back for the harm that I'd caused it, and to a lesser extent for the harm I'd done to others when I was still using.

  I slipped my suit jacket off, hung it over my chair, and headed out of my office toward the break room. I walked in and jolted to a halt as I set eyes on a young girl in shorts and a purple T-shirt sitting at the small table quietly playing with a tablet. She looked up and immediately gave me a welcoming smile. She had long flaxen blond hair pulled into a loose ponytail, big dark-green eyes, and a cute little nose. For some reason, she seemed somehow familiar to me, but I was sure I'd never seen her before.

  "Hi, I'm Violet," she said without a trace of apprehension or nervousness. "I'm almost twelve."

  I couldn't help but grin back at her. "I'm Calder," I told her politely. "And I'm not anywhere near twelve anymore," I added in amusement.

  She frowned in consternation. "Calder? What kind of name is that?" Her question was abrupt and I would have normally found it obtrusive, but her curiosity was just so disarmingly genuine that I couldn't take any offense.

  "It's Scottish," I answered as I stepped closer to her. "It was my grandmother's maiden name. It means rough waters."

  "That's weird," Violet said thoughtfully as she furrowed her brows. "Why did your mom and dad name you that?"

  My smile faltered at the mention of my parents. Talking about my mother was a sensitive subject full of pain, anger, and regret that I had no intention of discussing with this kid or anyone else for that matter. As for the subject of my father, I didn't want to talk about that because I had no idea who he was and felt no desire to find out either.

  "I really have no idea, kid," I replied flatly as I moved toward the fridge to get my lunch. I could feel her watching me as I pulled my container of food out and set it on the nearby counter.

  "Are you like a superhero or something?" Violet asked out of nowhere.

  "What?" I asked incredulously as I turned to gape at her.

  "Your arms and shoulders are so big," she said matter-of-factly. "You look like you've got super strength."

  "No," I said with a laugh as I grinned at her again. This kid was something else. "It's from lifting weights."

  "I bet you could bench press like a thousand pounds," she said in complete seriousness. Oh my God, this kid was killing me.

  "Most people can't lift anything near that, kid. Me included," I replied. I put my food in the microwave and started it before turning back to face her. "Do you even know what a bench press is?" I asked her dubiously.

  "Well, duh," she said, looking at me like I was dense. "It's when you lie on your back and lift that giant dumbbell looking thing." She leaned back in her chair and began miming a bench press in the air with both hands. "Like this." She frowned at me with a pointed and slightly offended expression.

  "Sorry," I said as I lifted my hands in a placating gesture.

  "Do you work here?" she asked next, abruptly changing the subject.

  "Yes," I answered her with a nod, not sure where she was going with her questions now. This kid was all over the place.

  "Is it nice?" She looked very serious now. "Are the people here jerks?"

  "Well, I think it's nice," I responded with a smirk, "but I'm the boss so my opinion is biased. And if people act like jerks around here, I fire them."

  She narrowed her eyes at me. "You're not a jerk, are you?"

  "I try not to be."

  "Good," she said in satisfaction, "because my mom wants to work here, and I don't want anyone being mean to her."

  Ah, that explained why Violet was here. He
r mother must be in the break room with Gwen right now. The kid was so sweet, questioning me to protect her mom. I hoped the girl's mother was worthy of her child's dedication. Mine certainly hadn't been worthy of it while I was growing up.

  "I promise you, Violet. I take care of my employees, and if your mom gets the job, no one will be mean to her," I told her in a firm tone, giving her the reassurance she needed.

  The microwave beeped before Violet could ask me something else. I grabbed a plate out of the cupboard and began dumping my food out onto it.

  "What's that?" Violet suddenly asked from right beside me, making me startle a little. I didn't even hear her come up next to me. What was this kid, a Navy SEAL?

  "You need a bell," I told her on impulse.

  "What?"

  "Nothing," I replied. "It's kung pao tempeh."

  "Don't you mean kung pao chicken?" she asked in a perplexed voice.

  "No, I don't eat meat because I'm a vegan," I explained to her. "Tempeh is a meat substitute made from soy."

  "You don't eat meat?" Violet asked as she stared up at me like I'd grown a second head. "Not at all?"

  "Nope," I replied with a smile. "No dairy or eggs either."

  She frowned and jerked her head backwards, looking even more confused, and it was kind of funny. "But why?"

  "A lot of reasons," I said, smirking in amusement at her. "Mostly because it's healthier, and nothing has to die or get hurt for me to eat."

  "Oh," she said, looking intrigued as she stared at my plate. "Can I try it?"

  "Sure." I pulled open a drawer and grabbed two forks, handing one to her. "It's pretty spicy though," I warned her.

  "I like spicy," Violet said confidently. "Mexican is my favorite food." She stabbed her fork right into a piece of tempeh and fearlessly put it in her mouth. I watched her chew it thoughtfully for a moment, and waited for her to make a face or spit it out. Most kids weren't that adventurous with food. To my amazement, she smiled up at me and said, "That's really yummy."

  "Thanks." I smiled back down at her. "I made it myself."

  "You should have a restaurant and make that for people." She nodded to herself. "I bet you could make a lot of money."

  I snorted out a laugh. I'd actually been toying with the idea of opening a vegan restaurant for a few years now. I just didn't have the time with all my other businesses occupying my attention.

  "That's a great idea, kid." I smirked at her as I picked up my plate. "I'll keep that in mind."

  She looked smug as she walked back over to the table. She sat down and started messing with her tablet again. "How do you spell that vegan word? I want to look it up."

  I told her how to spell it, and watched her type it into her tablet. I really liked this kid, and I hoped Gwen gave her mom the job, but I was determined to stay out of it.

  "It was nice talking to you, Violet," I said sincerely as I started walking out of the room to go eat in my office.

  "You too," she replied without looking up, deeply engrossed in what she was doing on her tablet now.

  I walked back toward my office shaking my head in amusement and thinking that I might have just managed to convert a meat-eater to veganism without even meaning to. I'm sure her mother was going to be thrilled.

  CHAPTER

  FIVE

  ____________________

  Ella

  "Mom?" Violet said conversationally. "Can we be vegans?"

  "What?" I asked incredulously as I turned from the bathroom vanity to stare wide-eyed at my daughter.

  She was sitting on the closed toilet seat watching me get ready for my first night of work at The Indigo Room. I still couldn't believe I got the job and was already starting the very next day.

  "Meat is murder, Mom," she explained as she gave me a serious expression. "We shouldn't eat it anymore."

  "How do you even know what a vegan is?" I asked her in bewilderment, wondering where this crazy notion of hers was coming from.

  "Duh, the Internet," she said with an eye roll. "We shouldn't eat dairy or eggs either, Mom. The animal industry is horrible and cruel, so we'll have to go to the store and buy all new food tomorrow."

  I sighed deeply. "Baby, I can't afford that. I haven't even worked my first day yet, let alone gotten paid."

  "Oh," she said dejectedly with a slight frown. She narrowed her eyes thoughtfully, then her face suddenly lit up in excitement. "Maybe I'll ask Uncle Evan to be a vegan too, and then he can take me to the store."

  It was all I could do not to laugh as I imagined Evan's reaction to being asked to become a vegan. The man thought barbecue was a food group. "That's a great idea, baby," I said as I fought a smirk.

  Her smile widened. "We can all be vegans. It'll be so awesome."

  I shook my head as I turned back to the mirror to put some lip gloss on before eying myself critically. I looked pretty good all things considered. I'd gone for a smokey look for my eyes and had my blond hair up in a loose ponytail. I was dressed in The Indigo Room's uniform of black slacks and a dark-blue button-down shirt that I charged to my credit card earlier today. I couldn't bring myself to ask Evan for more money again. The shirt was fitted with an elegant sexiness that wasn't over the top. I was relieved that I didn't have to wear some tight skimpy outfit with a short skirt and cleavage spilling out all over the place. Especially, since I didn't have that much to begin with, and I wasn't the svelte twenty-something I used to be before I had Violet. A fact Ray had frequently made a point of telling me over the years.

  "You look beautiful, Mom," Violet told me.

  "Thank you, baby," I said gratefully. I glanced at my phone and saw the time. "Oh, I've gotta go. Don't want to be late my first day." I hurried out into the hall with Violet right behind me.

  "When will you be home?" she asked in a worried tone.

  I stopped and turned, seeing a forlorn expression on her face that tore at my heart.

  "I'll be off work at three," I explained. "You'll be sound asleep most of the time I'm gone, and I'll be home before you know it."

  "What if something happens to you?" Violet asked waveringly with tears glittering in her eyes. "What if you never come home?" The tears began trickling down her cheeks. "Just like Daddy."

  "Oh, baby, come here," I whispered and opened my arms.

  She surged forward and wrapped her arms around my waist and began sobbing softly as she burrowed her face against my shirt.

  "I'll be fine. I'm just going to work and coming right back. Nothing is going to happen to me."

  "Promise?" she whimpered out pathetically.

  "I promise." I knew no one could really promise something like that, but it was what my little girl needed to hear right now, not the truth. I held her for a few more moments until I really needed to leave. "I have to go, baby." I pulled back and wiped a few tears from her cheeks. "Do you want to sleep in Penny's room until I get home?"

  She grimaced. "Ugh, no," she blurted out. "She snores and hogs the covers."

  Penny was Evan and Beth's four-year-old daughter. Violet and she had gotten pretty tight these last few weeks, despite their age difference. Penny was completely enamored with my daughter and idolized her.

  "You could sleep in Luke's room," I suggested with a smirk.

  Luke was Evan and Beth's eight-year-old son. Violet's relationship with him was a little more complicated. He tended to antagonize her every chance he got since he knew it bothered her.

  "Ew, that's even worse." Her disgusted expression deepened, making her look disturbingly like Ray. "He farts in his sleep."

  I laughed, fighting not to shudder from being reminded of my husband again.

  "I happen to know from first-hand experience that so do you," I told my daughter with a wide grin.

  "I do not," she denied sharply, but grinned back at me.

  "Sure," I said dubiously. "Do me a favor and try to get it all out before I get home, and I'll do the same. Okay?"

  "You're gross, Mom."

  "But you love me an
yway," I replied.

  "I do," she said softly.

  "And I love you, baby." I pulled her in for another hug. "I've gotta go now. You be good."

  "Okay," she said with obvious disappointment.

  She followed me out to the living room, where I said a hasty goodbye to my brother and his family. Then I grabbed my purse, hurried out to Evan's old gray Dodge Dakota, and climbed in to start the truck. I took one last look at the house before pulling away and waved at Violet, who was standing on the porch waving back at me with a sad expression. I felt heartsick at leaving her, but this was the first necessary step I had to take to build a new life for us.

  Traffic was light, and I made it to the club with time to spare. Gwen had me coming in a half-hour early to get oriented before I was thrown into my first Saturday night at The Indigo Room. I was nervous as I walked through the back entrance. I made my way down a plain looking hallway toward the small break room where I knew the lockers were.

  Suddenly, I felt my eyes sting and my breathing quicken as anxiety and terror fell over me. It had been so long since I waited a table or even worked at all, and in a place like this, I didn't know what to expect. I started thinking I might get fired in the first hour. Why did I think I could handle this? I suddenly just wanted to turn around and go home. My steps faltered, and I whirled around back the way I'd come, on the verge of doing just that when I heard Gwen's voice.

  "Ella?"

  I turned to find Gwen coming out of the break room and smiling reassuringly at me. She took a closer look at me and frowned.

  "Are you okay?" she asked in concern as her brows furrowed. "You look kind of pale."

  "I'm fine," I replied, my denial coming automatically like it always did.

  She cocked her head, and gave me a doubtful expression. "Are you?" she asked pointedly.

  I sighed and shook my head, exasperated with myself. "I...I guess not." My voice was tremulous and frail. Frankly, it was embarrassing. I stared down at the floor, ashamed. "I haven't worked in so long," I whispered. "I'm really scared."