You Are My Love: Breathless Book 2 Read online

  "Natalie," I managed to get out. "Why do you keep doing this? I told you, I can't do this."

  "Come here." She pointed to the empty spot next to her on the couch. I knew I shouldn't go anywhere near her, but I was stupid when it came to her, so I did as she said. I walked over and sat down, then set my latte on the coffee table, balling my hands into fists in my lap to keep from touching her. She scooted closer, and her scent engulfed me. I let out a shuddering breath, and watched a smirk spread across her perfect lips.

  "How are Diana and the baby?" she asked, which threw me off completely.

  "Uh...They're fine," I answered. "She's having a C-section this afternoon. I'm going to work until then, and then I'm going to keep my family company while we wait."

  "I bet all of you will be glad for this to be over," she continued conversationally.

  "We will. Diana has been bored out of her mind all week stuck sitting in a hospital bed, and Tony is a nervous wreck." Damn it. She was sucking me into this conversation to avoid what was really going on here. I sighed. "Natalie. This can't..."

  She threw herself at me, her hands tangling in my hair. She plastered her lips to mine, and I was a goner once again. My body reacted against my will. I pulled her tighter against me, moaning and growling with need. I couldn't control myself around her. She wrapped herself around me, straddling me and pressing her chest into me. She started grinding her pelvis against my hardening cock, making mewling sounds into my mouth and driving me crazy.

  "Natalie, please," I managed to force out as I pushed her face a few inches away.

  "Tell me you don't want me," she said, her eyes desperate and needy. "Tell me you don't think about me all the time. Tell me you don't miss me every second that we're apart, and I'll go away. I'll stop coming to see you everyday. Just say the words, and I'll be gone for good."

  "Natalie...I..." I tried so hard to say it, but I knew they were all lies. I couldn't lie to her about how I felt, and a part of me wanted her to keep coming to see me. It hurt to see her, but it was better than the pain of not having her in any way at all. She watched me expectantly, but when I didn't say anything else she started kissing me again, and my brain short-circuited. I started running my hands all over her, pushing her shirt up to get to the warm soft skin of her back. I was just about to rip her clothes off when she abruptly pulled away and looked at me with triumph in her eyes.

  "I have to go, or I'll be late for work," she announced as she crawled off of my lap, leaving me panting and blue-balled. I was certain now, that she was trying to kill me. I watched wordlessly as she took a long drink of my latte, picked up my last piece of toast and headed toward the door. She paused in the doorway and gave me a wide grin, her eyes dancing with amusement. "I'll see you tomorrow, David." She winked, took a huge bite out of the toast in her hand, and left, shutting the door gently behind her.

  I stared at the door for a long time before I realized that I was grinning like an idiot. Damn, that woman was diabolical. I really needed to put an end to this, but I knew I wouldn't do anything of the sort. I couldn't bring myself to send her away. I'd let this go on until it inevitably crashed and burned around me, and she realized that I was a complete waste of her time. That thought wiped the grin right off my face. It sent me spiraling back into the dark painful place that my mind became when she wasn't around. When she was finally gone for good, I would just have to learn to live with it. What other choice did I have?

  *********

  We were busy at work Monday morning, and I was in a piss-poor mood between that and my sore knee. I was grateful to take off after lunch to see Diana before her C-section, and sit with my family while we waited. Everyone was here this time, including Baba. Tony's parents had flown in and were with the boys at home. Baba started fussing over me as soon as I walked into the waiting room with a slight limp.

  "I don't know why you keep running around like that all the time," said in her thick accent and shaking her head as I sat next to her in an ugly green chair. "You're going to end up crippled."

  I snorted and bit down the snide comment that I wanted to say. "I'm fine, Baba. I just overdid it yesterday. It'll be gone in a few days."

  "Where's Natalie?" my mother asked from across the low coffee table between us. She was sitting next to Joe.

  "She's at work right now," I answered succinctly, not wanting to talk about what was going on with Natalie, or seeing Paige recently either. This was not the time to break the bad news about my sad excuse for a love life to them. They'd find out soon enough when they never saw Natalie again. I felt a painful stab in my chest at that thought.

  "You're in pain," Baba announced as she looked at me with narrowed eyes. I looked at her incredulously. Could she read my mind too? I watched her start rooting around in her purse and pull out a pill bottle. I relaxed as I realized she was talking about my knee. She handed me two pills with a knowing smile.

  "Thanks, Baba," I said with a soft smile. Mom handed me her bottle of water, and I swallowed the naproxen as Baba watched with approval. Even though I was a thirty-year-old man, Mom and Baba still took care of me. At least, when I let them anyway. Most times, I kept my problems and my pain to myself around them. They'd been through enough in their lives, and they didn't need to worry about me all the time. Someone had to hold everything together for this family.

  We chatted about mundane things off and on for the next hour or so, but mostly we just sat in silence, which unfortunately gave me plenty of time to dwell on my personal problems, and how much I missed Natalie. I was grateful when Tony finally showed up wearing scrubs, and sporting a huge grin on his face.

  "Everything went great," he beamed at us. "Diana is doing well, and Maria is absolutely perfect."

  Mom and Baba rose and went to hug Tony, while Joe and I shared a relieved smile. I was grateful it was finally over, and I could breathe easy and worry a little less about my sister and niece. A lot of things could go wrong with a pregnancy, and I was glad both were doing fine.

  It took a little time for them to get Diana back into her room with her new baby, and I let Mom and Baba go in first to visit, since they only let a couple of us in at time. By the time they came out, I was antsy to see my sister and niece. Joe told me to go in alone, saying he could go in later. He seemed to sense that I needed some time with my sister.

  I walked in to see Diana in her hospital bed with little Maria in her arms. Tony and she were both looking down at the tiny infant with huge smiles on their faces, and sudden pain hit from out of no where. I had a vision of Paige and me in that exact pose, and I felt nauseous. I tamped it down though. I didn't want to put a damper on Tony and Diana's happiness today. I didn't want them worrying about me, instead of focusing on their family.

  They both looked up and smiled at me, and I managed to return it sincerely. I was happy for them, even if seeing them caused me pain. I gave Tony a hug and was surprised when he shared a glance with his wife, then excused himself to go call his parents, so he could check on the boys.

  "Hey, Uncle David," my sister greeted me, her eyes bright and alert despite what she had gone through today. "Come here and meet your new niece."

  I approached the bed with a smile and looked down at Maria. Tony was right. She was perfect. Her little head was perfectly round and covered in fine soft dark hair. She was petite and adorable with tiny little fingers and toes. She was beautiful. She was one of those rare newborns that didn't look like a wrinkly old man.

  "Do you want to hold her?" Diana asked me softly.

  I nodded wordlessly, and gathered the bundle of blanket and baby into my arms. I sat in the chair next to the bed and stared down at Maria's perfect little face, breathing in her baby smell and touching her fingers, marveling at the tiny little fingernails.

  Suddenly, a deep painful sob tore up out of me as the true magnitude of what Paige had done hit me. Tears started streaming down my face, and I couldn't stop it. They started dripping onto Maria's pink blanket, leaving dark spots on th
e soft fabric.

  "David?" Diana asked quietly with deep concern in her voice. "What's wrong?"

  I couldn't speak past the hard lump in my throat as I stared at this flawless little life, and wondered if my baby had been a boy or a girl. I would never know. I ran my fingertips gently across the soft fuzzy hair on her head. More sobs came, and I didn't try to stop them as I wept for the child whom I would never know, the baby Paige took from me and the future that she stole from me.

  "David," Diana repeated in a fearful tone. She hadn't seen me cry since we were kids. "Why are you crying?"

  I tore my eyes away from the baby and met her eyes. "I saw Paige on Saturday. She's engaged and pregnant now."

  "Oh," she said softly as anger filled her eyes. She looked at me expectantly. I think she always knew there was more to the break-up than I had told her. She was no dummy, and she knew me better than anyone. "What really happened, David?"

  I looked down at Maria again, realizing that I needed to tell my sister. I couldn't keep this bottled up inside me any longer. It was killing me slowly, and I wanted to live. I wanted more than this lonely existence my life had become.

  "She left me when she found out she was pregnant." Diana took in a small breath of surprise. "She...she had an abortion behind my back," I confessed in a whisper.

  She gasped loudly, and I looked up expecting to see pity on my sister's face, but instead I saw a deep terrifying rage flashing in her eyes. "That fucking bitch," my sister suddenly growled out. I was taken aback by her profanity, and had an urge to cover Maria's little innocent ears. "What the fuck is wrong with her? Why would she do that to you after all you did for her?"

  "She didn't want me to be her husband or the father of her child," I explained. "I wasn't good enough to be either."

  "David," my sister said with a perplexed expression. "Do you really believe that?"

  I hung my head in shame and nodded slowly.

  "You stupid, stupid man," she growled out at me. I looked up to see her glaring at me. "Only you would blame yourself for something that had nothing to do with you. Paige is a goddamn flake. She never thought anything you did for her was good enough. Don't you see what she did to you? She did a horrible unforgivable thing and managed to get you to blame yourself, that way she didn't have to carry any of the guilt. I never did like that bitch."

  I sat in silence, unsure what to say now. I wish it was that simple to turn off the shame and get over this, but I didn't know how.

  "Is this why Natalie isn't here with you right now?" Diana asked me with narrowed eyes, and I startled guiltily. "That's what I thought. Let me guess, you convinced yourself that you're not good enough for her either, didn't you?"

  I looked away in shame, mostly because I didn't want my sister thinking the same thing.

  "You are a complete idiot," she said with annoyance. "You are the kindest most caring man I know, and that bitch didn't deserve you. You were too good for her, and she knew it all along."

  "Diana, I don't..." I tried to say.

  "Don't what?" she asked in disbelief. "You don't believe that? That's a load of shit and we both know it. She is a worthless excuse for a human being, and you're better off without her. You deserve someone like Natalie. She actually cares about you. Can't you see that? She loves you, David. Don't you feel the same way about her?"

  I nodded stiffly. "I do," I said sincerely. "I love her so much, but I can't..."

  "Can't or won't David?" she asked harshly. "Are you really going to let Paige ruin this for you? Are you going to let her dictate the rest of your life?"

  "That's not what I'm doing," I denied, even though I knew it was a lie.

  "Isn't it?" she asked, her face hard and uncompromising. "If you spend the rest of your life alone, then she wins. Are you going to let that bitch get away with that? You should be angry at her, not beating yourself up over the bullshit insecurities that she fed you. That's how she manipulated you for all the years you were together. Why can't you see that?"

  I stared at Diana as realization slammed into me. It was true. I could suddenly see it all. Every veiled word of discouragement, every passive-aggressive insult meant to steer me away from the real insecurities in our relationship; hers, not mine. Diana was right. I was a complete idiot. Why had it taken me so long to see it? That's because you never shared your pain with anyone. You suffered alone, thinking you didn't want to burden anyone with your problems.

  "Fuck," I breathed out as I stared unseeing across the room.

  "Yeah," Diana agreed. "Fuck."

  What had I done? I was pushing away the best thing that ever happened to me because I let Paige manipulate me into thinking I didn't deserve it, and I believed it. I couldn't let that happen. I needed Natalie. I loved her.

  "I have to go," I blurted out as I stood.

  "I know," Diana said with a triumphant smile. She held her arms out, and I carefully gave Maria to her mother. I gave them each a gentle kiss on their forehead. I walked away and made it to the door before Diana spoke again.

  "Tell her everything, David," she told me. I turned to look at her. Her face was serious now. "Don't leave anything out."

  "I won't," I told her with a sincere nod. "I promise." I hurried from the room and through the building, anxious to get to Natalie. I hoped she was still insistent on waiting for me to wake the fuck up and hadn't given up on my already, because I was wide awake now.

  Chapter Two

  Natalie

  I was starting to second guess my plan to wear David down with daily visits. I was starting to wonder how long I'd have to keep this up before he came around, or if he even would. This morning, I knew I had him physically. He was a hair's breath away from giving in to his body's demands for sex, but that's not what I wanted. I wanted him to admit the truth to me and to himself; that he loved me and needed me. The deep wounds that bitch had inflicted on him were still there and seeing her had ripped them wide open again. I could see how much pain he was in, and it was killing me that instead letting me comfort him; he was trying to push me away.

  I sat in my car in front of David's house after work, waiting for him to come home. I planned on waiting until tomorrow to see him, but I couldn't stay away. I missed him and needed to see him, even if he didn't want to see me. I glanced at the clock. It was almost six. Maybe his sister's C-section took longer than expected. I hoped Diana and the baby were okay. I was half tempted to go to the hospital to see for myself, but thought better of it. I knew how much he loved his sister and worried about her. I didn't want to add anymore stress to his day.

  At six-thirty, I gave up. I was hungry and starting to feel like a stalker. I wondered if there was a restraining order in my future if my plan failed. I let out a deep sigh and started my car. I pulled away from the curb feeling disheartened about everything. What if this was it? What if he was never going to take me back? I felt tears start to well up in my eyes and fought them down. I wouldn't cry right now. I had a plan and it was going to work, damn it. I could cry when I went to bed tonight, just like the last two nights. It was the only time I let it out and gave into the fear and loneliness I'd been feeling since Saturday. I didn't know what I'd do if I lost him. I loved him so much, and if it was truly over, I would never get over him. That was why I couldn't give up and let this go.

  I drove home in a melancholy state the whole way, feeling lost and fighting down tears every few miles. By the time I parked in the garage under my building, I realized that I wasn't going to be able to hold in the tears until I went to bed. I'd be lucky if I made it to my apartment before the waterworks started.

  I got out of the car and made my way to the elevator. I rode it up to my floor with my hands clenched into fists, and my mouth pressed into a hard line as I struggled to keep it together. I stepped out on my floor when the doors slid open and hurried down the hall, anxious to be alone with my depressing thoughts. I was so lost in my own head that I didn't see him until I was a few yards away. I came to a sudden stop as my mind
registered what I was seeing.

  David was sitting with his back to the wall next to my door. His elbows were resting on his bent knees, his forehead resting against his clasped hands. My heart began to pound in my chest. He was here. He came to see me. Was this a good thing or a bad thing? Was he here to take me back or tell me to stop bothering him? Maybe he really didn't love me? He never said it out loud. Maybe I was deluding myself this whole time? Terror surged up inside me, and I felt the urge to flee back the way I had come before he saw me.

  I was standing there on the cusp of a decision when his head popped up, and his eyes focused on me. "Natalie," he said in a soft unsure voice. He rose to his feet and moved toward me with a pained look on his face.

  Here it comes. He's going to tell me that it's over. I fumbled with my keys and moved toward my door, not looking at him at all. "We should go inside," I mumbled. I didn't want to get dumped in the hallway. I needed the comfort of my apartment and the familiarity of my things to get through this.

  I felt him follow me in, but I couldn't bring myself to meet his eyes. I was afraid of what I might see. I went to the dining table and set my purse down. I fiddled with my keys and stared unseeing at the table, waiting for the inevitable and fighting back tears again.

  "Natalie...I..." he began and trailed off. I could hear the uncertainty in his voice. I waited some more, but there was nothing but silence. I let out a sigh. Why was he torturing me like this? Couldn't he see what he was doing to me?

  "Spit it out, David," I said bitterly as I continued staring at the table top. "If you don't want me, just say it, because I can't take this anymore. If you want me to leave you alone, then I will." The tears started to let loose, and they began to stream down my face unchecked. I thought I could be strong enough not to show him my weakness, but it was a lost cause. I was too invested now to keep it together through this.

  "I love you, Natalie," he whispered, his voice barely audible.