Let Me Save You Read online

  "Come on," she finally said after a moment. "Andy's going to start wondering what you're up to if we don't go back soon." I nodded and followed her wordlessly to our table. I was grateful when Lydia didn't say a word about the tequila to Andy after we sat back down. Our food arrived right after that. I kept quiet as I focused on my food, intent on not letting my dark mood fuck up the rest of Andy and Lydia's night.

  I was lifting my fork up to my mouth when I felt someone's eyes on me. I looked up and my gaze landed on Delaney, who was across the room. She was standing next to another booth and getting ready to leave with three other people. Her eyes were like daggers as she stared at me, her face a mask of rage. I met her eyes and curled one corner of my mouth into a smirk of dark satisfaction. I watched her mouth the words "fuck you" at me, and I shrugged one shoulder, turning back to my dinner and pointedly ignoring her. At least, this made me feel a little better.

  "Is that who I think it is?" Andy said incredulously after he had watched the exchange. I nodded as I continued eating. "What the fuck is that bitch doing here and why is she glaring at you?"

  "I ran into her by the bar and told her that I wanted to hook up with her in the bathroom," I told him with another smirk. "Then I left her there waiting for me."

  "That's fucking hilarious, dude," he said with a laugh. "It serves that bitch right!"

  "Who is that?" Lydia asked as she looked over to watch Delaney leaving the restaurant.

  "That is the infamous Delaney Morgan," Andy told her.

  "Oh," Lydia said as if that explained everything. What the fuck? Did he tell her everything about me? I closed my eyes and tried to breathe through my sudden anger with gritted teeth.

  "Do you have to share everything with her?" I finally asked through clenched teeth. "Did you tell her how big my dick is too?"

  "No," he answered with a sneer, "I didn't want her to feel sorry for you."

  "Jensen, relax," Lydia interrupted us. "I don't know any details, just that it was nasty, and it was her fault."

  "Sorry," I mumbled and leaned back into my seat. Andy smirked at me with satisfaction.

  "Andy, stop antagonizing him." Lydia glared at him.

  "Yes, Mother," he said sarcastically, but his eyes softened as he looked at her. He leaned over, kissed her cheek to apologize, and she smiled at him with affection. Their sweetness made me want to throw up. Damn, I was in a foul mood. I flagged down the waiter while the two of them were kissing and ordered three more shots of tequila before Andy realized what I was doing.

  "Haven't you had enough?" he asked, furrowing his brow.

  "I ordered one for you," I answered with a shrug. "It's the good stuff."

  "I guess I can be talked into one," Andy conceded as his eyes lit up. The man loved his tequila.

  I continued eating my dinner and started feeling the room spinning a little. I probably shouldn't be drinking anymore, but when the waiter dropped off the three shots, I picked one up and held it up to Andy and Lydia. Andy picked his up, and we looked at Lydia expectantly.

  "You're nuts if you think I'm drinking that," she exclaimed, shaking her head. She picked up her margarita instead, and I shrugged.

  "Here's to fucking with ex-girlfriends and leaving them hanging in the bathroom," I said, the slur in my speech becoming more pronounced.

  "Here, here," Andy announced with a huge grin, and we downed the shots while Lydia took a big sip of her drink. I grabbed the third shot before either of them could stop me and downed that one too. A shiver ran through me as I swallowed the harsh liquid.

  "Damn it, Jensen," Andy said angrily. "That's the last one, no more tonight, okay?"

  "Did you know I had two at the bar, too?" I told him with a drunken smile.

  "Oh, fuck," he grumbled under his breath and covered his face with his hand. I just smiled back at him.

  "Jensen, drink this," Lydia said as she pushed her glass of water toward me.

  "Yes, Mother," I replied with a smirk as my face started feeling really warm suddenly. I picked up the glass and did was I was told.

  "Get the check, Andy," Lydia told him as she eyed me closely. "Let's get him out of here before we have to carry him."

  By the time Andy paid for dinner, I was really feeling the tequila. I had to put my hand down on the table for a second when I stood up to leave, since the world wouldn't stop moving around me. I made it out to the parking lot before I started listing to the side as I stumbled along between Andy and Lydia.

  "Whoa, buddy," Andy said as he grabbed my arm and pulled me toward himself. "Let's get you in the car before you fall down." Andy somehow managed to get me into the back seat.

  "Your car sucks, Andy," I mumbled with a giggle as Andy leaned over me to buckle my seatbelt.

  "So you keep telling me," he grumbled, "over and over again."

  "You should get a real car," I slurred.

  "I know," he said as he stood up to shut the car door. "Now shut up." He closed the door, and my head fell back limply onto the headrest.

  "I'm sorry I ruined your date, Lydia," I said as I closed my eyes.

  "Don't worry about it, Jensen," she said with a snort as Andy got into the car.

  After that I drifted in and out of consciousness. I think at one point the two of them were arguing about whether they were taking me home or to their place. I was so drunk I didn't care either way. The next thing I knew the car pulled to a stop.

  "Wake up, brother," Andy was saying as he leaned over me in the back seat. "I'm not carrying your drunk ass into the house."

  "Okay," I mumbled and tried to get out of the car with my seatbelt still on. Andy started laughing at me.

  "You're an idiot," he said, shaking his head as he unlatched the seatbelt for me.

  "I know," I agreed with another giggle. Suddenly, my stomach started churning. "I think I'm going to..." I began as I leaned out of the open car door and threw up all over the ground at Andy's feet.

  "Fuck!" he exclaimed as he jumped back in disgust. "Are you kidding me?!"

  "At least it wasn't in the car," Lydia said as she peeked out from behind Andy, her nose wrinkled in distaste.

  "Sorry," I said as I sat up again. I looked up at Andy and couldn't focus on his face. He grabbed my arm with an exasperated sigh and managed to help me get out of the vehicle. I looked up and noticed that we were at his house.

  "I told you I didn't want to have a three-way with you," I grumbled drunkenly.

  "What did he just say?" Lydia asked Andy.

  "Nothing," he answered as he glared at me. "He's just being a drunk idiot." The two of them helped me into their house with some effort and dropped me on the couch where I curled onto my side as everything started going black.

  "Goodnight, Andy," I mumbled just before passing out. "Love you."

  "Love you, too. You fucking idiot."

  I woke up with the worst hangover of my entire life and a vow not to touch tequila ever again. I rolled onto my back with a deep groan, opening my eyes to stare at the ceiling of Andy's living room where I was lying on his couch. My head felt like it was going to explode and there was a distinct possibility I'd be throwing up again very soon.

  "Good morning, sunshine," Andy announced as I looked over to see him walking into the room with a big grin on his smug face. "How are you feeling?"

  I groaned again and covered my eyes with my arm. "Tequila is the devil," I whispered to spare my aching head.

  "I haven't seen you that drunk since college," he said as he stopped next to me. "Here."

  I uncovered my face to see Andy holding out a glass of water. I took it from him and sat up with a groan. Andy sat on the couch next to me and handed me a couple of ibuprofen. I took them from him with a nod and swallowed them with a long drink of water. I hoped they'd stay down.

  "We need to talk, brother," Andy said as he stared at me with a serious expression on his face.

  "About?" I asked suspiciously, eying him up and down.

  "About the nightmare that had
you screaming in your sleep last night."

  "Oh," I said quietly and looked away from Andy's intense blue eyes.

  "Oh?" Andy asked me incredulously. "All you have to say is 'oh'?"

  "It was just a nightmare, Andy. People have them all the time," I told him matter-of-factly, but my brain was scrambling into overdrive. I did not want Andy to know how fucked-up I was right now. I didn't want anyone to know.

  "Really?" he asked as he stared at me intently. "Because I've never had a nightmare where I screamed that I didn't deserve to live and then took a swing at my best friend without even waking up."

  I closed my eyes and sighed. I didn't know what to say. I was starting to wonder how much guilt one man could live with before going insane, because I had to be getting close to my limit.

  "You also said some stuff about how you killed your brother and father. You know that's not true, Jensen. Right?" He looked scared and it kind of freaked me out. I covered my face with my hands and tried to focus on slowing my breathing down. I wanted to lie. I wanted to tell him that I was fine, but I couldn't do that. I couldn't ruin the only relationship I had that wasn't all fucked-up somehow. Without him, I'd be all alone. The first stirrings of a panic attack began tightening up inside my chest. "Right?" he asked again his voice starting to rise.

  "I...I..." I stammered out, trying desperately to talk to him about it, but I couldn't get the words out of my mouth. I started hyperventilating, and I couldn't stop it. My stomach clenched inside me. I jumped to my feet, ran to the bathroom, and threw up everything in my stomach into the toilet. Afterword, I ended up sitting on the floor rocking back and forth as I tried to slow my ragged breathing, yanking on my hair in desperation.

  Andy knelt on the floor next to me, and I jerked away when he touched my shoulder. My senses were so keyed up that his touch was overwhelming to me. I was grateful when he took his hand away.

  "Jensen?" he asked with a shaking voice. "Are you alright, brother?"

  "No," I whispered raggedly. I realized that was the first honest answer I had given to that question since the accident.

  "That's what I thought." He sighed and sat down on the floor next to me. "How long has this been going on?"

  "Ever since it happened," I answered him reluctantly. He nodded and just sat next to me while I slowly calmed down. He waited patiently for my breathing to return to normal before speaking again.

  "Does this have anything to do with the real reason you broke up with Sydney?" he asked me, his face pensive as he watched me. I nodded and looked away for a moment, ashamed of what I had done to her. He cocked his head as a look of realization spread across his face. "Do you love her?"

  "Yes," I whispered and closed my eyes as a pang of lose hit me when I acknowledged my feelings for Sydney. I missed her so much, and tears started welling up in my eyes. I covered my face in embarrassment. Here I was a grown man crying on the bathroom floor like a teenage girl.

  "Does she love you?"

  I nodded again without uncovering my face. I heard Andy take in a breath and let it out with a deep sigh.

  "You are a fucking idiot," he mumbled under his breath. "Why the hell did you break up with her, then?" he asked me in annoyed confusion. "And don't give me some lame bullshit about it 'just not working out' again," he said, raising his fingers up into quotation marks.

  "I didn't want to hurt her," I whispered.

  "Isn't that what you did when you dumped her?"

  God, he sounded irritated with me, and he was right, but the pain that caused her was nothing compared to what I could have done if I had stayed with her. "You don't understand, Andy. I tried to hurt her during a nightmare."

  "So?" he asked angrily.

  "I could have hurt her badly. I fucking woke up with my hands around her neck."

  "Well, I guess that means our friendship is over," he told me with a glare.

  "What?" I asked in shocked confusion.

  "If you're going to follow that same line of logic, then our friendship is over since you took a swing at me in your sleep. I mean you could have hurt me too."

  "This isn't the same thing at all," I argued with him.

  "Isn't it?" he asked me pointedly. He stared at me until I looked away first.

  "She's better off without me," I said quietly. I could feel him still staring at me for another long moment. Finally, he let out a deep breath through his nose. He must have given up on waiting for me to say anything else. He stood up and stretched his hand out toward me.

  "Come on," he said with resignation. "I'll take you home." I nodded and took his hand to help me up off the floor. I followed him to the living room and sat on the couch to put my shoes back on. He must have taken them off for me when I passed out last night.

  "Did I do anything stupid last night?" I asked him as I pulled on my shoes.

  "You mean besides insult my car and throw up in my driveway?" he asked with a snort as he smirked at me.

  "Sorry about that, man." I smiled apologetically.

  "You do remember seeing Delaney, don't you?"

  "Oh, I remember that part," I said with a grin. "That was the highlight of the evening."

  "It was fucking awesome what you did to her," Andy said with an evil-looking smile that I couldn't help but return. I stood after tying my shoes, and we started to leave. "Do you want to come over for dinner tonight?" he asked as we walked out to his car. "Lydia's got some new recipes she wants to try."

  "I'd love to," I replied. Lydia was a sous chef at a local restaurant, and anytime she wanted to cook for me; I was in. "Where is she anyway?"

  "She went out to shop with some friends," he answered as we climbed into his car. "She wanted to make the most out of having an actual Saturday off."

  "Do you think we could grab something to eat on the way?" I asked, realizing I really needed to eat something if I wanted to feel better.

  "Are you going to barf again?" he replied as he eyed me up and down.

  "I hope not," I answered as he started the car.

  "That's reassuring," he said snidely as we backed out of the driveway.

  "I promise to throw up in my own driveway next time."

  "How about not having a next time, brother," he said, his voice turning serious. "You need to lay off the drinking. It's not helping."

  "I know," I looked at him intently. "Believe me, I know. After last night, I don't want to look at another drink for a very long time."

  "Good." He returned my gaze with relief.

  I was serious about not drinking again, but I was terrified of having to deal with all my bullshit without it. I wasn't looking forward to trying to go to sleep sober, but I'd just have to suck it up and deal with it. Hopefully, things would get better with time, but when I found myself thinking of Sydney again and feeling the deep pain in my heart from missing her, I highly doubted it.

  CHAPTER TWO

  Sydney

  I opened my eyes and stared at the ceiling of my room, wondering why I was awake since I still felt exhausted. I groaned and rolled onto my side, deciding to try to go back to sleep, but my brain had other ideas. Just like every other morning for the last week, my thoughts turned to Jensen, and a deep ache began in my chest. I didn't understand how I could miss someone whom I was so angry with, but here I was, longing for the feel of his hands and lips on my body. I missed his voice and the way he looked at me. I missed the way he took care of me and the way he was always touching me like he couldn't help himself. Hot tears gathered in my eyes and began falling onto my pillow.

  "Damn it," I whispered as I slammed my fist down on the bed. When would this all stop? Why was I so torn up over a man I had only been with for a handful of days? Because you still love him. I buried my face in the pillow to stifle a sob. I cried as quietly as I could, not wanting Lauren to hear me. I hadn't minded her mothering for the first few days after the breakup, but now I was feeling smothered, and so I had started keeping my grief to myself. Nothing she could do was going to help anyway.
r />   The day he left me was seared into my mind, and I kept going through it in my head time and time again, trying to make sense of it. I had made the mistake of startling him during his nightmare and when I had tried to wake him up, he had rolled onto me and grabbed my throat. His grip hadn't been tight enough to do any real damage, but the weight of his body on top of mine had hurt. I tried to calm him down afterward and reassure him that I was fine, but his demeanor had just changed suddenly. The cruel things he said had cut into me like knives, even though I knew they were lies. The fear I had seen in his eyes had been very real though. He had run from me like a coward, and that was what fueled my anger.

  He was so wrapped up in guilt and shame that I was pretty sure he thought he had left to protect me from himself, but I believed it was because he didn't think he deserved to be loved by anyone. Jensen had just pushed me away. If he had talked to me instead, given us a chance to work through what was going on inside his head, I wouldn't be crying all alone right now, wishing he was here to hold me even though I wanted to pound my fists into his face.

  I sat up with a sigh and grabbed a tissue from the box on my nightstand and wiped the tears from my eyes. I grabbed my phone and scrolled through my contacts, then brought Jensen's contact information up on the screen. I stared at his number for several long moments, desperately wanting to hear his voice, but I closed the contact list and dropped the phone on the bed next to me. I knew he wouldn't answer it, which is why I had stopped trying several days after our break-up. The rejection had stung every time, and I just couldn't put myself through that again. I couldn't bring myself to go to his house either. I was afraid if he rejected me there, it would destroy me. I guess that made me a coward too.

  I flung the blankets off myself with a growl and climbed out of the bed. I wrapped my robe around myself, grabbed my phone, and stalked out of my room. I was greeted with the smell of bacon as I walked into the living area. I breathed it in with a sigh.

  "Good morning, Syd." Lauren greeted me from the stove where she was working her magic in a tank top and old shorts. The woman knew how to cook breakfast like no one else.