An Act of Restraint: Order & Chaos Book 1 Read online

  A moment later, I came again, my pussy clamping down hard and sending him over the edge. His body shuddered as he called out my name. He pushed in deep as he came apart, sending me up one more time. Pleasure pulsed through me as Jake's cock jumped and jerked inside me. Then he collapsed on top of me, breathing hard and covered in a sheen of sweat. I let out a shuddering breath of sweet relief, having finally gotten what I needed so desperately tonight.

  The next thing I knew, Jake was tucking me under the covers of his bed and wrapping himself around me. I caught a glimpse of his face, and noticed an affectionate softening in his eyes that should have worried me, but I was too exhausted to care and fell into sated oblivion.

  **********

  I woke up alone in a strange bed staring at a wooden beam directly above me. The smell of bacon and the sound of classic rock drifted up from somewhere below me. Confusion fell over me for a second. Oh yeah, this wasn't my apartment. I was at Jake's place. Somehow I had ended up spending the night here when that wasn't something I'd intended. Shit. I suddenly remembered the tender look on Jake's face as he tucked me into his bed last night. I thought it was understood that this was a one-time deal. I guess I shouldn't have assumed. My bad.

  I sat up and spotted my wristlet on the floor nearby. I crawled off the bed to fetch it, then ended up sitting cross-legged in the middle of the bed. Luckily, my battery wasn't dead yet. I opened my messaging app and saw that Tori had already texted me tattoo guy's address and her follow-up text telling me she was home safe again. I hastily typed her a text. I didn't want the cops showing up here.

  Still alive, but may have hooked up with a clinger. I hit send and waited for a reply.

  Shit. Did you run like hell?

  Nope. I just woke up in his bed. I think he might be cooking me breakfast.

  Tori replied with a frightened looking emoticon.

  Time to can get the hell out of here. Wish me luck.

  I got off the bed and gathered my discarded clothes up off the floor. I dressed and checked my reflection in the mirror above Jake's dresser. My hair looked like a fright wig. I dug a hair tie out of my wristlet and gathered my hair into a loose ponytail, so I was presentable, then eyed the stairs reluctantly. Here goes nothing. I descended the steps slowly because of my heels, and I swear not because I didn't want to face Jake.

  As I stepped off the last step and turned left, I could see Jake's bare back from where he was facing the stove. I could hear the bacon sizzling. He was dressed in only a pair of loose fitting athletic shorts. They were low enough on his hips that I could admire the twin dimples above his perfect ass. Mmm, the man really was scrumptious. He turned and smiled warmly at me.

  "Good morning, beautiful," he greeted me affectionately as his eyes lit up. He walked over and pulled me into a hug. Oh yeah, he was definitely a clinger.

  Jake truly was a nice guy, and I found him attractive, but I didn't feel anything else for him. Why couldn't I feel anything more than that? Had it been so long since I had an actual boyfriend that I wasn't even capable of connecting with a man in a way that wasn't purely physical anymore? Of course if I did, I'd probably run for the hills anyway. I'd been there and done that, and the heartbreak wasn't worth it, but part of me was feeling really lonely lately. I was feeling more and more like I was stuck on this path I had chosen, and I didn't know how to get off of it.

  "Hi, Jake," I said with a forced smile. I didn't hug him back.

  "Last night was so good, Jenny," he murmured sweetly. He leaned in to kiss me, and I turned my head, so he merely kissed my cheek. Regardless of my lack of any true feelings for Jake, he didn't deserve to be led on. I watched disappointment flow across his face. A pang of guilt hit me. I was truly a horrible person.

  "It was," I told him sincerely, not wanting to destroy his ego completely.

  He stepped away, looking uncomfortable now. "Would you...would you like some breakfast?" he asked. I was starving and it smelled delicious, but sticking around would only make him think this was something more than what it was.

  "I have to get going, Jake," I said in an apologetic tone. "I have to work later this morning." It was the truth, and if I didn't leave soon I would most likely be late.

  "Alright," he said as a sad expression came over his face. "Do you want a ride?"

  "No, I'm good. I'll just take a taxi." I started moving toward the front door.

  "I'd really like to see you again, Jenny," he called out hopefully.

  I turned back to look at him and let out a resigned sigh. "I don't think that's a good idea, Jake. I would just end up breaking your heart. You deserve better than that." I continued to the door and reached out to grab the knob.

  "What about you, Jenny?" he asked in a harsher tone.

  I turned toward him with a questioning expression. He looked angry now, and I couldn't really blame him. "What about me?" I asked softly.

  "Don't you deserve better than this?" he asked sternly. "Why won't you give us a chance?"

  "I just can't, Jake," I said apologetically. "I'm sorry."

  "So am I," he growled out. He shook his head in disgust and turned away dismissively. I didn't have anything else to say, so I let myself out, feeling like the biggest heartless bitch on earth.

  **********

  I was seriously running late for work. It took longer than I expected to hail a cab after I left Jake's apartment this morning. Add that to my melancholy mood and a long shower spent wallowing in my own self-pity, and I was a good fifteen minutes behind schedule when I finally left my apartment. I didn't even have time to lower the convertible top of my turquoise Mini Cooper, so I could enjoy the sunshine and fresh air.

  I was zipping right along, hoping like hell that I didn't get pulled over, when a familiar two-story red-brick building caught my eye. My eyes were drawn to the large sign over the door that said Apex Ink, just like every time other I drove past it. The idea of getting a tattoo had intrigued me for a long time. I had a few piercings, my belly button, my earlobes, and my left tragus, but I'd never gotten a tattoo. I hadn't come up with anything I wanted permanently etched on my skin, yet the idea of putting something on my body that meant something to me was appealing. Maybe I should consider it more seriously. I think I was in major need of a change in my life, and a tattoo might just be the way to do that. Of course, first I needed an actual idea for the damn tattoo. Not that I could do anything about it now as I rushed down the street to work.

  I was still ten minutes late when I finally pulled into the employee parking area behind Purcell Auto, where I worked as the office manager. I skidded to a halt next to my brother Andy's glaring yellow Mitsubishi Evo, and hurriedly gathered up my purse before leaping out of the car. I rushed in through the back entrance, my heels clacking loudly on the concrete floor as I cut through the service area of my family's car dealership to get to my office. I was happy that my brother wasn't in the garage as I walked through. He was going to harass me about being late eventually, but at least I could put it off a little while longer.

  I managed to make it to my office unmolested by anyone, and I was starting to think that no one even noticed I was late. I sat at my desk and turned on my computer, intending to finish up the expense report I started yesterday. I finished that fairly quickly and then focused intently on the sales reports that I needed to finish today.

  "Why were you late?" a male voice suddenly blurted out in amusement right next to my ear, making me jump. I was so immersed in what I was doing, that I didn't hear anyone enter my office.

  "Fuck!" I yelped out as I glared at my older brother, Andy. He was dressed in his mechanics uniform with his grease stained dark-blue shirt and jeans. His short light-brown hair was its usual mass of chaotic spikes around his head. Andy straightened and smirked at me. His vivid blue eyes, that were identical to mine, lit up in glee at my reaction. "Damn it, Andy. Stop fucking sneaking up on me."

  "Wow, you're a potty mouth today," he said as his grin widened, framed by his usual short mustac
he and beard. "Rough night? You're not hungover are you, or did you have a bad sexual experience?"

  I glared balefully at him, his remark too close to the truth. "Get the fuck out of my office," I snapped at him, "or I'll go into vivid detail. How would you like that?"

  "Whoa," Andy's smile slipped away, replaced by horror. "I was just razzing you. There's no need for that." He abruptly focused on my face for a moment. Concern filled his eyes. "Are you okay, Jenny?" Damn my brother and how observant he was. He always knew when something was bothering me. I didn't want to be reminded of or talk about my shitty morning.

  "I'm fine," I snapped at him again.

  He gave me a dubious expression and opened his mouth to say something else, when I was saved by Dad entering my office.

  "Hey, princess," he announced with a warm wide grin as he came around my desk to stand next to me. "Do you have that expense report done yet?" He looked nice today in his blue dress shirt and khaki slacks. Dad tended to dress down and skip the tie he usually wore when he worked on Saturdays. My dad was Purcell Auto's owner and general manager.

  "I was just about to email it to you, Dad," I answered with a relieved smile. For once, I wasn't even annoyed by him calling me princess at work again. Dad pushed his glasses up onto the top of his head, resting them in his short and mostly gray light-brown hair as he focused his dark eyes on his son.

  "Shouldn't you be in the garage instead of harassing your sister?" he asked sternly, but the gleam in his eyes belied his tone immediately.

  "Well, I would be," Andy replied as he narrowed his eyes at me. "But I wanted to find out why she was late getting in this morning."

  It was all I could do not to growl at Andy for throwing me under the bus. Dad's brows rose, and he looked at me. His mouth now set in a firm line amid his perfectly trimmed gray beard and mustache, worry ghosting across his eyes. Andy took Dad's sole attention on me as his means of escape, and fled the room as I glared at his back. Dick.

  "Is everything okay, princess?" he asked me gently. "You're never late."

  I sighed in exasperation. I definitely couldn't tell him the truth. Dad and Mom both had me on this pedestal where I could do no wrong. I was their little princess and always would be. I couldn't imagine how they would take it if they knew the real me; the woman who drank tequila, picked up a different man almost every weekend just for sex, and was just now starting to realize how unsatisfying her life really was.

  Sometimes I felt like two different people trapped in the same body. I'd been living this duel life for a long time now, but lately it was getting exhausting. When would I be able to be myself and not worry about what others thought of me? Why couldn't I find a balance between the two? Just another reason I needed a change. My life suddenly seemed empty and incomplete. Who knew you could have a midlife crisis at twenty-six years old?

  "I'm fine, Dad," I answered him with a smile that I hoped looked genuine. "I just forgot to set my alarm. It's no big deal."

  Dad eyed me suspiciously as I continued smiling at him, hoping my acting skills were up to the task. Dad was good at his job because of his keen observational skills. It was something that Andy and I inherited from him. It made keeping my escapades a secret quite a challenge sometimes.

  "Alright, princess." His face softened into a smile, his voice turning wry as he pointed at me and failed miserably at appearing threatening in any way. "But don't let this happen again. This is your final warning. If it happens again, I'll fire your ass."

  "I'll keep that in mind, Dad," I replied with a smirk. Dad liked to pretend he was a hard-ass, but we all knew that was Mom's area of expertise.

  "I'll let you get back to work, princess." He leaned down and kissed the top of my head. "Love you, kiddo."

  "You're sabotaging your hard-line reputation again, Dad," I told him as he walked toward the door. "You don't want word to get out that you're a push-over."

  "What can I say?" he replied with an affectionate smile. "I'm a sucker for my little girl."

  "Love you too." I murmured, feeling like a fraud as his little girl. He winked at me and left my office. I sighed and started to feel down and pathetic again. My only recourse was to throw myself into work and try to pretend this morning never happened. We'd see how well that worked out. I wasn't holding my breath.

  **********

  When I cut through the service area to leave around five, I was annoyed to find that my brother was still here. I successfully avoided him since this morning, and I hoped he had already left for the day. I tried to ignore him, but he made a bee-line for me and followed me out to my car.

  "Jenny, wait!" he called out as I paused to open my car door.

  "What?" I asked irritably as I turned toward me. I was tired, grumpy, and it was hot outside. I wasn't in the mood to deal with his concerns about me right now. I was distracted and unhappy all day. I just wanted to go home so I could be alone to wallow in self-pity some more.

  He lifted his hands in a placating manner. "Fuck, I just wanted to make sure you were okay?"

  "Well, you didn't seem to care that much when you threw me under the bus with Dad," I said angrily.

  He pursed his lips in frustration. "I'm sorry. I was just angry that you lied to me about being fine. I know you, Jenny. I can tell when you're not happy."

  "I'm just having a bad day, Andy," I said in exasperation. "Why can't you just let it go? I'm fine. I swear."

  "Jenny," he said in a serious tone as he eyes me closely. "We both know that's not true. You haven't been happy for a long fucking time now."

  Andy knew how I lived my life. He was the one family member that I never hid it from. He never judged me for it or thought less of me. Hell, before he met his wife, Lydia, I suspected he got around just as much as I did. However, we never once talked about it with each other. Neither of us wanted to know too much about the other's sex life. I mean, ew, he was my brother for fuck's sake.

  I sighed and averted my eyes in defeat. "No, I'm not Andy," I admitted quietly. "Things need to change, but...but I haven't figured out how I'm going to do that yet. I just need some time to work it out. Okay?"

  "You know I'm here if you want to talk about it," he offered as he eyed me with concern.

  "I know," I said as I gave him a wan smile. "And I love you for it. When I need to talk about it, I'll come to you. I promise."

  "I love you too," Andy said as he gave me a quick hug. I felt myself getting emotional and needed to leave before I started crying in front him. He definitely wouldn't let this go right now if that happened.

  His eyes were on me as I got into my car, and he was still watching me as I backed out and drove away. Nope, I was wrong. He definitely wasn't going to let his go at all. It was just a matter of time before he pushed the issue again, and I was pretty sure I still wouldn't have any answers to my problems then either. Yay, I couldn't wait.

  Instead of waiting until I got home, I ended up wallowing in self-pity while I drove home. I was driving along, wondering how I was going to get my shit together and find a way to make some major changes in my life, when that familiar red-brick building appeared up ahead again. This time it felt like a tractor beam pulling me in, and I didn't fight it.

  The next thing I knew I was pulling into a parking spot in front of the building and climbing out of my convertible. I stood there staring at the marque, smoothing down my navy pencil skirt while I worked up the courage to enter the building. I still didn't know what kind of tattoo I wanted, but maybe someone inside could help me figure that out. It was worth a shot. I needed to do something to shake my life up.

  I took a deep fortifying breath and marched purposefully toward the front door. I walked in confidently, even though I felt nothing but fear inside. A bell rang as I walked into Apex Ink, determined to come back out with a new direction for my life. I strode over to the reception desk on the left side of the empty room, and glanced around at the warm buttery colored walls and the dark brown trim. The colors made the space seem comforting
and inviting. It wasn't what I expected at all.

  To my right, was a waiting area with two black leather couches facing each other, and a glass coffee table between them with several tattoo portfolios spread out in an orderly fashion across it. The walls were liberally covered with framed images of tattoos. The reception desk in front of me was a spotlessly clean glass display case featuring a myriad of body-piercing jewelry. Everything in it was perfectly spaced and displayed. The entire place screamed of cleanliness and professionalism, and it immediately put me at ease about coming in here.

  Unfortunately, that ease only lasted about two more seconds as I saw movement out of the corner of my eye and glanced over to see what it was. A tall imposing man, with bold colorful full-sleeve tattoos covering his large muscular arms, just emerged from a hallway leading further into the building. He was the most dangerously gorgeous thing I had ever seen. My eyes drank in his chin-length blond hair and sexy scruffy beard. He had beautiful deep-set indigo blue eyes and full luscious looking lips. His hugely muscled upper body stretched the fabric of his black tank and tapered to a trim waist. It was all I could do to stop myself from staring at his crotch as I wondered what he might be hiding under those jeans.

  I had an overwhelming urge to flee as I realized this bad-boy was my ultimate Kryptonite, an instrument of my undoing. However, the urge to flee was swept away when he smiled at me, and the skin around his eyes crinkled in a boyish way that was absolutely irresistible.

  "Can I help you?" he asked in a deep sexy rumbling voice that almost made me shiver, and I knew it was too late. I was already ensnared, and suddenly I didn't mind being trapped at all.