An Act of Restraint: Order & Chaos Book 1 Read online

  Chapter 2

  Ford

  I let the soft hemp rope slide sensuously between my hands as I folded its length in half. Sarina watched me with heat in her avid blue eyes. I circled around behind her as she stood in the middle of my bedroom. Soft soothing music filled the room, as did the low candlelight I chose for the backdrop of our play tonight. It made it harder to bind Sarina, but I had gotten fairly adept at tying knots in dim lighting over the last month we'd been seeing each other. She preferred the low lighting, and it seemed to help her get into the head-space of our play better. Even though I was the rigger and the dominant one here, her pleasure and comfort were always at the forefront of my mind when we played with rope like this.

  I stepped up behind her until her shoulders pressed against the front of my bare upper torso. Sarina was petite, with long dark blond hair and a slender build. Her curves were still feminine though and proportional for her body. She was a beautiful woman and playing with her was always satisfying. I wrapped a muscled arm around her upper chest and pulled her in tight against myself, enjoying the feel of her nude body as I pressed my denim covered erection against her bare ass. A small gasp burst from her lips.

  "Are you ready, Sarina?" I asked next to her ear in a low commanding rumble that made her shiver.

  "Yes, Ford," she said in a sweet dulcet tone that spoke of submission. It fed a part of me that craved it. I pressed a soft kiss to her neck, making her shiver, before stepping away.

  "Arms behind your back," I commanded firmly yet calmly, not needing to be harsh to gain her surrender. She immediately put her arms behind her back for me. I began binding her wrists together snugly, one on top of the other as her hands rested on her forearms. Sarina was extremely flexible and had no difficulty holding her arms this way for me. When I was finished, I tied it off with a square knot as the rest of the double line of rope still dangled on the floor at my feet. "Tell me if it's too tight."

  "It's perfect, sir," she answered.

  "Good." I took the rope and wrapped it around her torso and upper arms next, placing the rope just under her breasts. I looped the rope back around itself above her wrists then wrapped it around her upper body a second time taking it under her breasts yet again. Next I wrapped her two more times above her breasts. I tied all the lines together in the middle of her back, then brought the line over one shoulder, looped it around the ropes under her breasts, and brought it back up over the other shoulder. I tied both shoulder straps off to the hemp lying across her back. I pulled the line tight. "Still good?"

  "Yes, sir," Sarina answered again, this time her voice more breathy and relaxed.

  "Now kneel." I gripped her upper arms and helped her down onto her knees. I ran the line from the back of her chest harness down between her ankles, then bound them together. She was effectively helpless now in an upright hogtie, and her breathing spiked. I came around in front of her and knelt down. Her head was bowed, so I lifted her chin gently so I could see her face and check in with her. There was no fear in her eyes, just a deep pool of desire as she met my gaze.

  "Are you comfortable, Sarina?" I asked anyway. One never assumed when bondage was involved. That's how people got hurt, and I definitely was not a sadist. This was about pleasure, not pain.

  "Oh yes, sir," she answered enthusiastically. "It feels so good."

  Sarina loved to be bound. It gave her something she needed when she handed control over to me, a release from the world and all its pressures. Her enthusiasm pleased me, so I rewarded her by leaning in and pressing a heated kiss to her lips. I lingered longer than I planned as I sucked her lower lip into my mouth, making her moan in a way that made me shudder.

  I stood then, taking a small step backwards, so I could admire my work. I loved how her breasts looked framed by the natural tone of the hemp. It made my cock ache. I reached down and started unfastening the fly of my jeans. Sarina's eyes widened in anticipation as her eyes locked on my hands. I pulled my erection free, gripped it in my fist, and stroked myself several times. Her eyes lit up like fire as she watched me pleasuring myself. I'd done it for her benefit as much as mine.

  "Grunt twice if you need me to stop." I stepped closer, the head of my cock mere inches from her warm willing mouth. "Open." My voice was even deeper now as desire surged up inside me.

  She eagerly opened her mouth wide for me, her eyes still locked on my dick.

  "Eyes on me, Sarina," I snapped out sharply. Her eyes flashed up to mine, and I moved in closer, feeding my cock to her as her mouth spread wide to accommodate my considerable girth. It looked so damn hot and felt even better. I couldn't help the low groan that poured out of my mouth as I fought the urge to blurt out all the filthy things I wanted to say, but couldn't. Sarina just wasn't into that, and I didn't want to ruin the mood.

  I gripped the sides of her head firmly and began fucking her mouth, using her just the way she liked. She hummed and moaned in pleasure as I took her mouth fast and deep. Her slight gagging noises spurred me on as I watched saliva drip down her chin. Hell yeah, it looked and sounded damn good.

  When I finally pulled Sarina off my cock, she whimpered and whined in disappointment. It would be short lived, because she was about to get her reward. I knelt in front of her and palmed her breasts roughly. I thumbed her hard little nipples firmly, changing her whining into a long moan of enjoyment. Her face was filled with pleasure.

  "Do you like your nipples played with, Sarina?" I asked huskily.

  "Yes, sir. Yes, Ford." Her voice was harsh with arousal. I began sliding my right hand down her body until I found her wet and warm pussy with my fingers. I unerringly found her clit with my middle finger and started working it roughly. Sarina began mewling and panting as I edged her, bringing her to the brink of orgasm and backing off repeatedly. Soon she was staring at me with pleading eyes, and I knew she wanted to beg so badly, but I had forbidden her to speak unless spoken to. I edged her once more, watching as she clamped her mouth shut to stifle herself. She had hit her limit, and she did such a good job. She deserved her reward.

  "Come, Sarina," I whispered harshly as I pressed on her clit almost brutally. A long drawn-out scream tore out of her mouth as her back arched suddenly. I watched as her eyes practically rolled backwards in her head, and I had to catch her as she slumped forward. She was left shaking and whimpering as she came back down in my arms. "Good girl," I told her, and noticed the slight hint of a smile twist one side of her mouth.

  When she could hold herself upright again, I stood and went around behind her. I knelt and unfastened the rope binding her ankles. A small noise of disappointment came out of Sarina.

  "Don't worry," I reassured her. "We're not done. I haven't fucked you yet."

  She smiled as I helped her back onto her feet. I led her to the side of the bed.

  "Bend over." I grabbed one hip and pressed a hand to the middle of her back. She bent immediately until her chest was on the bed, her ass up. I nudged her feet further apart and looked down to admire the curve of her ass and the ropes wound around her upper body. "Don't move." I stepped back and pushed my jeans and boxers down and off. I grabbed the condom package lying on the bed next to Sabrina and ripped it open. I sheathed myself swiftly. I was so turned on that my dick was throbbing painfully now, and I needed relief badly.

  Rope bondage always had that effect on me. It wasn't that I didn't enjoy regular vanilla sex. That turned me on too, but there was something about the orderly and methodical placing of rope to bind a sex partner, and the control it gave me, that just did it for me. Probably because I tended to be a little O.C.D.

  I came up behind her and lined the head of my cock with her pussy. "I want you to scream, Sarina. I want to hear everything." I slammed into her before she could even answer. Instead, she wailed in pleasure. I froze when I hit the end of her to gather my fraying control. I gripped the trailing rope line of the chest harness and wrapped it several times around my left palm, clenching my hand into a firm fist. I grabbed Sarina's hip
with my right hand. I pulled on the rope in my hand, putting tension on it, then began to move.

  I started out at a leisurely pace, warming her up with slow deep thrusts as I watched my dick slip in and out of her. It was one of my favorite sights in the world. Her wails began to ebb, so I gave her one good hard thrust to let her know that wasn't acceptable. That got another scream out of her. I picked up the pace until I was pounding into her, her screaming continued unabated as she began to come again and again, her pussy constantly rippling and clamping down on me.

  "Oh hell yeah," I grunted out as my climax began to build to its inevitable crescendo. I reached around with my right hand and found her clit. "Give it to me, Sarina. Give it all to me. Let me hear you," I growled out.

  Suddenly, her body convulsed. Wild inhuman wails spilled out from her lips that were so loud that I was glad I didn't share any walls with a neighbor. Her insides clamped down almost painfully, and I let myself go.

  "Motherfucker," I blurted out between clenched teeth as my vision went white. Pleasure streaked through me violently, making my entire body quake. When I finally came back down, I leaned down putting my lips against Sarina's ear. "What a good girl," I whispered hoarsely. "What a very good girl."

  Her only reply was a low mewl, and a satisfied smile.

  I pulled out and took a moment to discard of the condom, then helped her into a sitting position on the mattress. I began removing her bindings, murmuring words of approval and satisfaction. Most women, and Sarina, in particular, needed gentle handling when they came down from subspace, that floating high-like mental state that often came from bondage and other BDSM play. That was fine by me. I often found myself wanting to curl around my submissives after we played and hold them for a while anyway. The intimacy and connection that bondage encouraged often caused this need for close physical contact afterwords.

  When I finally removed the last rope from her body, I took a little while to massage her shoulders and arms. I also let my eyes admire the rope marks that I could just make out on her skin in the low candlelight. I thought they were beautiful. I grabbed a water bottle from my nightstand and helped her take a few sips. Then I tucked her into my bed as she smiled at me with pleasure drunk eyes. I took a moment to blow out all the candles, then I climbed in next to her. I pulled the back of her body in close to the front of mine, feeling sated and pleasantly fatigued. I was just on the verge of nodding off, when Sarina said something completely unexpected, and something that I had no desire to hear whatsoever. It ruined everything.

  "I love you, Ford."

  I said nothing, did nothing, in the hopes that she would fall asleep and not remember saying it in the morning, because if she did, this relationship was over. Why? Because no matter how hard I tried or wished for it over the last month that we'd been together, I didn't love Sarina. Hearing her say it, merely made me realize that I never would, and it wouldn't be fair to her to let this go on any further. It was pointless, since I didn't seem capable of finding a woman that I could truly fall in love with. I don't know why I thought I could. Sarina finally relaxed into sleep, and I was left wide awake and wondered why I had even bothered to try at all.

  **********

  "Ford?" Sarina's sweet voice pulled me from sleep. I blinked blearily as I tried to focus on her face. She was sitting on the edge of the bed smiling down at me.

  "What?" I mumbled sleepily as I wondered why I felt so damn tired.

  "I made you breakfast, baby," she said happily and when I finally managed to focus on her face, I saw the deep affection in her eyes that I swear hadn't been there before.

  Shit. Now I remembered why I was tired. She told me she loved me last night. I was awake half the night trying to work out how to break up with her without breaking her heart or pissing her off. I finally fell asleep before I could figure anything out.

  She looked like she'd been up for a while already. She looked fresh and ready for the day. I, on the other hand, felt like a foggy gritty-eyed dumbass who was ill-equipped to handle this situation. This was the first real relationship I ever tried to have. Which was pathetic, considering I was thirty-three years old.

  I'd been an unapologetic bachelor for all of my adult years. I thought I was going to be one for the rest of my life. However, recently I'd been feeling lonely and wondering if there was something more for me than spending my life alone. I blamed my sister for my identity crisis. She had the gall to go and find the love of her life, and make me think that I could have that too.

  I sat up and pushed my blond hair out of my face. I saw the plate in Sarina's hands, and about shit a brick when I saw the heart-shaped pancakes she made. Holy hell, I was going to be the biggest asshole on earth today. I let out a deep sigh, and decided I needed to get this over with. She was going to end up hating me anyway. There was no reason to put off the inevitable.

  "Sarina," I said in resignation. "This isn't working out."

  She looked perplexed. "I can make something else if you want, baby."

  I closed my eyes and sighed. This was going to be a nightmare. "I'm not talking about breakfast. I'm talking about us," I said as gently as I could.

  "What?" she asked as hurt filled her eyes. "But we've been so good together. I thought I made you happy."

  I didn't know how to respond to that, because honestly, happy wasn't the word I would have used. Was I content with Sarina? Yes, but as I looked back now, that wasn't enough for me, no matter how much I tried to make this work.

  "But...but I...I love you, Ford. Don't you love me?" she said when I didn't respond. Tears welled up in her eyes.

  "I'm sorry, Sarina," I said with sincerity, "but I don't."

  "If...if you just gave us more time, I know you would." Her voice was pleading and desperate. It made me feel like a piece of shit.

  "I'm not going to, and it's not right for me to waste your time waiting for something that's not going to happen. It wouldn't be fair to you, Sarina."

  "But I gave everything to you." She started sobbing. "I trusted you with my body and my heart."

  I stared at her helplessly, not knowing what to say to that without making this worse.

  "What was I to you, Ford?" she asked through her tears. "Just some whore you could tie up and fuck whenever you pleased?"

  "Sarina," I said softly. "You know that's not true. I care about you." I truly did. She was a kind caring woman, that I was just now realizing was way too good for me. If I couldn't love someone like her, then I must not be capable of it at all.

  "But not enough to love me," she sobbed out bitterly.

  "I'm sorry," I said, knowing how empty and meaningless it sounded.

  "So am I," she shoved the plate at me, and I grabbed for it hastily to keep the pancakes from spilling onto the bed. Sarina hurried out of the room, still crying, and I said nothing as I watched her walk out. Part of me felt like chasing after her to apologize again, but what was the point. A moment later, I heard the door of my apartment slam shut so hard that the walls rattled. I let out a harsh sigh of defeat. This was turning into one hell of a shitty day already, and I barely just woke up.

  I threw the blankets aside roughly and climbed out of bed to get dressed. It was only eight o'clock, and my tattoo shop didn't open until eleven. I had plenty of time to hit the road on my motorcycle for a while, because I needed a fucking ride to clear my damn head.

  An hour or so later, I was pulling my Triumph Rocket III Roadster back into my garage at the back of my building. I came to a stop next to my old truck, killed the engine, and popped the kickstand out, leaning the bike over onto it. I threw my leg off the bike and stood, realizing that I really didn't feel any better about my morning. I pulled my helmet off and headed to the door that opened at the foot of the stairs up to my apartment.

  Once I was walking into my living room, I tossed my helmet and leather jacket on the couch and went straight to my room intending to take a shower. I left my boots and my clothes on the floor in a pile, which was completely unlik
e me, but I didn't care right now. Unfortunately, the scalding hot shower didn't really help at all, as if I could wash off the bad mood that I was in.

  After getting dressed, I picked my clothes up off the floor and threw them in the laundry. I couldn't bring myself to leave them there. I ended throwing all the damn candles around the room in the trash. I gathered up the rope I left on the floor last night and put it away in the closet in a neat coil. I'd wash it later, but I definitely didn't want to leave it out for the wrong people to see.

  I went into the kitchen and ground my teeth when I saw the mess Sarina left when she made me those damn pancakes. An annoyed growl bubbled out of me as I set to work cleaning it up. I hated a mess in my damn kitchen. Not that I used it much, but I couldn't stand looking at a mess without doing something about it. After that I ate some cereal, and even though it wasn't even ten yet, I headed downstairs to my tattoo shop. Maybe I could make some headway on the inventory I started on yesterday. I'd have a good hour to myself to work on it.

  That didn't work out, when Angel, one of my tattoo artists, popped her head into my office around ten-thirty with a bright and cheerful expression. Her dark purple hair, with its deep-blue highlights, cascaded in loose curls around her face. She was wearing a white tank top, displaying her colorful tattooed arms, and a long blue skirt.

  "Good morning, Ford," she greeted me happily.

  "Good morning, my ass," I grumbled as I scowled at her. My mood was even worse now, since I'd been staring at the computer for the last half-hour and making little to no headway. Sometimes owning my own business sucked. It seemed like I had less and less time to actually tattoo people anymore.

  Her dark-brown eyes became concerned. "Is everything alright? You're here awfully early. Did the computers crash again?"

  "Nope, just my love life," I growled out as I pushed my chair back from my desk.

  "What happened?" she asked as she walked further into my office. "I thought things with Sarina were going well."